


dust and shadows (we are)

by Kandiszucker (whatwhy)



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Animal Death, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood Drinking, Boys Being Idiots, Chapter 1 contains syringes, Implied PerkZ/Jensen, Implied one-sided zvithy, M/M, Pining, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-08-20 06:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16551017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatwhy/pseuds/Kandiszucker
Summary: Jesper already has enough on his plate with his career as a professional LoL player and his crush on a teammate. The last thing he needs is finding out that he's not human.





	1. I. In which Jesper makes a discovery

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic for last year's NaNoWriMo, gave up after two weeks and then didn't touch it for ages. Last night, I finally finished it after some poking and prodding by a friend. Happy first anniversary to this fic! I still need to tidy up what I've written, so I won't be able to publish it all at once, but rest assured that I won't abandon it.

It must have been late in December when Jesper first noticed that something was off.

At first, he blamed his loss of appetite on being tired of Christmas leftovers. And when he returned to the gaming house, Joey’s strict chicken, rice and ketchup diet didn’t help, either.

 

And one crisp January afternoon, there lay a tinfoil bundle at his spot on the kitchen table, still warm to the touch.

“For me?”, Jesper asked.

Joey nodded. “You haven’t been eating right. I thought that maybe it’s because of my minimalistic cooking skills, so I got you this.”

Carefully, Jesper lifted the tinfoil. The stench of garlic that came out of the small opening was like a slap to his face. “Thank you,” he croaked regardless.

“No problem.”

Jesper unwrapped the kebab as slowly as possible. The pungent smell grew more and more intense with every layer of aluminum he took off. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and bit into the flatbread.

“I’ll leave you to your lunch,” Joey said and got up from his chair.

Jesper could only nod while chewing reluctantly. Everything about the kebab made him shudder. The texture, the taste, the smell… Still, he forced himself to keep eating, even after Joey had left.

He ended up donating more than half of his kebab to Alfonso.

Alfonso did not complain.

 

Jesper’s state did not exactly improve. He was constantly sick, he was tired from the second he woke up in the mornings, and whether he moved or rested, his limbs ached.

“You should go see a doctor,” Joey said when Jesper brought it up.

“Hm.”

“You’re still going through puberty and you haven’t had a real meal in two weeks. You should be ravenous.”

“I am hungry,” Jesper conceded. “It’s just that all food seems disgusting to me.”

Joey frowned.

“Maybe you’re right and I should see a doctor. I mean, I sure would like to know why I’m like this. It’s just that I have no idea how to make an appointment.”

“Well, you call the doctor…”

“My German sucks dick.”

“Well, you ask Alfonso to call the doctor…”

“Can’t you do it?”

“My German isn’t great either.”

“Bullshit. Please.”

Joey sighed. “Fine.”

He took out his phone, opened his browser and started searching for a doctor.

 

The first thing Jesper noticed when he entered the building was the faint metallic smell. It was almost overpowered by the receptionist’s cheap perfume and the sharp odor of disinfectant, but it was there. The receptionist bid him and Joey to take a seat in the crowded waiting room, between an old man who was clutching his cane and a young woman who kept coughing into her scarf. The metallic scent was almost unnoticeable here. Jesper closed his eyes and leaned back.

“Tired?”

Jesper hummed.

“It’s because you never eat, I bet.”

“Probably.”

They fell into silence as the door opened. A woman came in with her child on her hand. The little girl had cried. A bright pink band-aid stuck on her arm. She scuffled over to the chair in the corner where her jacket was lying. As she passed Jesper, the metallic scent suddenly returned, so potent that Jesper’s head spun. He closed his eyes, hoping to make it stop.

“Did you smell that?”, Jesper whispered after the girl and her mother had left.

“Smell what?”

“I don’t know. It smelled like metal. Like rust, you know? It was coming from her.”

“Didn’t notice anything.”

“Weird.” Jesper shrugged. Was he so far gone that he started hallucinating? After all, why should she smell so strongly of metal that it would make Jesper sick? He closed his eyes. The lightheadedness was slowly subsiding, but his stomach was still churning.

An assistant calling out his last name tore him from his thoughts. With the utmost effort, he rose from his chair and found himself ushered into a small office. A short, rotund man greeted him with a smile and introduced himself as Dr. Schlüter.

“Excuse me for not shaking your hand,” Dr. Schlüter said with an accent so thick one could cut it. “It’s flu season, you see?”

Jesper hummed, indicating that he did see.

“But please, sit down!”

He took a seat in front of Dr. Schlüter's desk, which was cluttered with sheets of papers and a small wooden figurine of a human heart.

“What seems to be the issue, Mr. Svenningsen?”, Dr. Schlüter asked and adjusted his glasses.

“I’ve lost my appetite,” Jesper said. “I mean, I get hungry, but food makes me sick.”

“So you haven’t been eating regularly lately?”

“No.”

“For how long?”

“Two or three weeks by now.”

“And your appetite still hasn’t returned…”

“No. That’s why I’m here.”

“Of course, of course.” Dr. Schlüter smiled benignly and readjusted his glasses. “Do you have any food allergies or intolerances?”

“No, none that I know of.”

“Any other issues?”

“Well, I’m always cold and tired and my entire body hurts. I think that’s because I never eat anything, though.”

“Any other symptoms? Fever, coughing, anything?”

Jesper shook his head. “I just can’t stand food anymore.”

Dr. Schlüter rubbed the bridge of his nose and hummed. “That’s curious, that’s curious indeed… At any rate, Mr. Svenningsen, we should take a blood sample and a urine sample. My assistant is free right now. She will handle everything from here on.”

Before Jesper knew it, he was out on the hallway again, and in the blink of an eye, he was in a small room whose sole furniture was a stretcher and a white cabinet that took up the entire wall. The assistant made Jesper sit down on the worn-out stretcher and take off his shirt.

“It will hurt just a little bit,” she said before she jammed the syringe in.

Jesper tried to relax, but the metallic stench from before erupted around him. This time, however, there was a distinct sulfuric note mixed in. It made Jesper shudder.

The assistant glared at him. “Mr. Svenningsen, you might injure yourself if you don’t sit still.”

“Sorry.” Jesper tried his best to relax, but he was too dizzy to judge if he was doing a good job.

Finally, the assistant plucked the syringe out of his arm. The stench immediately got a hundred times worse. It took all of Jesper’s willpower to not pass out then and there. Only when she rubbed some sanitizer on the wound and put a band-aid over it did the odor return to bearable levels.

“Alright,” the assistant said. “Now onto the urine sample…”

Jesper had a hard time listening to her.

 

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Dr. Schlüter said a few days later. In the few days since Jesper’s last appointment, the piles of paper on Dr. Schlüter’s desk seemed to have grown, and the wooden heart had disappeared.

“But there has to be!”

Dr. Schlüter shook his head. “According to your results, you’re sound as a bell. Aside from iron deficiency, that is, but that seems to be the effect rather than the cause of your ailment.”

“I haven’t had real food in almost four weeks now.”

“This is as puzzling to me as it is to you, Mr. Svenningsen, but believe me that I have exhausted every single physical cause. Of course, a psychological issue might be at fault here. In that case you’re better off talking to a therapist, though.”

It turned out Dr. Schlüter had nothing more to add onto that, so once again, Jesper found himself in the hallway.

 

“Really nothing?”, Joey repeated incredulously. “Has he even looked at you? You look like a ghost.”

They were sitting in the kitchen, Joey with a cup of coffee and some cookies, Jesper staring at Joey’s plate apprehensively.

“Really nothing,” Jesper confirmed. “Except maybe some mental stuff, but Weldon has us covered, right?”

“I mean, that’s what we’re paying him for.”

Jesper shrugged. “I already asked him for his opinion. He said the only thing that’s troubling me is my lack of appetite.”

Joey wanted to say something, but just as he opened his mouth, Alfonso entered the kitchen, carrying a shopping bag that threatened to burst at the seams.

“Hey guys,” he said. “Do you mind if I make dinner? You can have some, too, if you want to.”

“Go ahead,” Jesper said.

Alfonso unpacked the rustling bag and got to work. Jesper watched him curiously as he washed the vegetables and chopped them into small bits. Maybe looking at Alfonso cooking would give him his appetite back.

“Want me to teach you the recipe?”, Alfonso asked.

“No thank you. My cooking always ends in a disaster.”

“Practice makes perfect.”

“Practice makes the neighbors call the fire brigade.”

“Alright.” Alfonso fished some garlic out of his bag and started peeling it. Jesper’s stomach lurched.

“Is your garlic rotting or something?”

“No, it’s perfectly fine. Why do you ask?”

Jesper couldn’t reply. His mouth was watering up and bile was rising in his throat. He darted to the bathroom, where he immediately started retching into the bowl.

“Jesper?”, Alfonso called after him.

Jesper made a choking noise. In the corner of his mind, he noted steps behind him. Alfonso knelt next to him and rubbed his back. The garlic stench was back. Alfonso hadn’t washed his hands and now he was getting all that garlic on Jesper’s clothes. Another wave of nausea washed over Jesper.

“Wash your hands, please,” he managed to choke out before he gagged again.

Alfonso looked at him curiously, but obeyed. Soon, the garlic stench slowly dissipated. So did Jesper’s nausea.

“Thank you,” Jesper rasped. His breathing was still labored.

“No problem.” Alfonso stepped past him and opened the window.

The fresh air returned what was still left of Jesper’s spirits. He took his toothbrush and sat down on the closed toilet. Alfonso crouched next to him, his hand on his back.

“What the hell was that?”

Jesper pointed at the toothbrush in his mouth and kept on scrubbing. Eventually, he spat out the foam and rinsed out his mouth.

“Turns out I don’t like garlic,” he finally explained.

“Huh?”

“I mean, that’s what made me sick. The garlic smell.”

“But your entire diet consists of kebab. You can’t have that without garlic.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a recent development.”

Alfonso frowned. “Is that why you have no appetite? Because you hate garlic?”

Jesper shrugged. “I thought about that, too, but I already hated Danish food, which isn’t exactly generous with garlic.”

“Weird. Anyway, are you okay again? I kinda wanna finish my dinner.”

“Sure.”

“Great.” Alfonso’s knees cracked as he got up. “See you.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Jesper spent the rest of the evening by the open window. It was freezing outside, but at least it didn’t smell like Alfonso’s cooking.

 

The more time passed, the weaker Jesper got. He could barely get out of bed in the mornings, went to bed as soon as the sun set and was sluggish during the short time he was awake. His scalp hurt and he was shedding more hair than was healthy for his widow’s peak. The skin under his fingernails had turned disconcertingly purple.

Iron deficiency, Dr. Schlüter had said.

Jesper yawned and looked at the clock. It was barely past noon. The drugstore was still open. He slowly put on his shoes, fighting a dizzy spell as he got back up, and grabbed his wallet and his keys before he left.

A thermometer in one of the shop windows claimed that it was just barely above zero, but Jesper was perfectly comfortable in his sweater. He hardly even noticed the car driving past him and covering him in slush. The sun was shining brightly, making the wet, dirty snow look even sadder.

He hurried into the drugstore and searched the shelves for supplements. Finally, he found what he was looking for: Dark glass bottles in neat rows, on the label a young girl with blond hair, a blue headscarf and comically red cheeks. With his rudimentary German, he pieced together that the writing under her bright grin said something like _herbal blood_. His hands hovered over the bottles for a moment before he put five bottles into his plastic basket.

“You’re all red,” Luka said instead of a greeting when Jesper came back home.

“Huh?”

“Look in the mirror.”

It was true. No matter how much Jesper poked at his skin, it kept its angry red tint.

“Looks like a sunburn,” Luka said.

“Nah, it’s probably just because it’s cold outside. It’ll be gone in a bit,” Jesper said as he plopped down next to Luka on the couch.

But it wasn’t gone in a bit. It wasn’t even gone after a few hours.

By that time, Luka was cackling. “You actually got a sunburn from walking to the store in fucking winter. Fucking Danes, man.”

“Shut up,” Jesper growled and threw a pillow at him.

Luka dodged it expertly and almost fell off the couch. “Not my fault you’re a literal vampire,” he said after climbing back up.

 

A literal vampire.

 

It was ridiculous.

But the idea crawled into his brain and hid there stubbornly. At night, when he was brushing his teeth, he leaned in closer to the mirror to inspect his canines. They were pointy. But that was how they had always been. Jesper shook his head. It was nonsense. Of course vampires weren’t real. He certainly hadn’t been bitten by one, at any rate. Hugging his teammates after a victory was the intimate physical contact with other people he had had in a year. No one turned into a vampire from a hug. Perhaps he had been born a vampire. But no one in his family seemed to be one. And even if they were, they would have told him, right?

But it would have all made sense. It would have explained why normal food had lost its appeal. Why he got a sunburn from a fifteen minute walk in the dead of winter. Why garlic made him throw up. Still, vampires had this regrettable quality of being perfectly fictional. Jesper shrugged and went to bed. Tonight, unlike all the other nights, it took him an eternity to fall asleep. Finally, though, he managed to banish the thought of vampires from his mind.

The thought was back in the morning. While everyone was bustling about in the kitchen, he sat there at the table, staring at his bottle of iron supplement. The plucky girl stared back from her label. Jesper suspected she was mocking his suffering. Still, he opened the cap and sniffed. It smelled sweet, like grape juice. Jesper poured himself a glass and held it against the light. It was a dark, dirty red. Like actual blood, he thought and shivered. Then, carefully, he took a sip. It was sourer and more bitter than its smell had suggested, but the grape flavor was still there. And, most importantly, a strong metallic taste. Jesper emptied the glass and then poured himself another one, and another one, and another one. Before he knew it, the bottle was empty. But his stomach had stopped growling and, for the first time in weeks, he felt awake.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?”, Joey asked.

“I’m not hungry.”

“But all you had was this iron juice.”

Jesper shrugged. “Seems like it was enough.”

“That’s weird.”

“Guess so.”

_Vampire_ , a nagging little voice said in the back of Jesper’s head. As if the iron juice was just a substitute for real blood. Jesper tried not to think about it any more closely. Luckily, scrims were starting soon. Jesper didn’t notice it, but all of his teammates looked at him in wonder. He hadn’t been this energetic in a while.

 

And for some time, it was enough. Jesper emptied three bottles of iron supplements every day and put on generous layers of sunscreen every time he had to venture into the sunlight to refill his stock. But soon enough, he felt sick with hunger even after three bottles. Then, after four. Then, after ten. And then, at the same time, he began noticing the faint metallic scent from the doctor’s office lingering around the gaming house, as well. It grew stronger and sweeter with each passing day. But no one had any open wounds, as far as Jesper could tell. There should have been no way for Jesper to smell his teammates’ blood, unless... Jesper tried to shake off that thought. But with every day that went by, it became harder to ignore.

And one evening, at dinner, Jesper found himself staring at a glass of iron juice with the same disdain as for solid food. His head was pounding and dark spots flitted in front of his eyes. And above all, the smell of blood. He couldn’t look at anyone. Otherwise, he would have jumped them and sucked their veins dry.

“You okay there, buddy?”, Alfonso asked him quietly.

“Sure.” Jesper took a deep breath.

“Really? You’re pale.”

“It’s fine,” Jesper insisted. His surroundings spun with more velocity. The scent of their blood and the rhythm of their mingling heartbeats made his stomach churn. He dug his fingers into the tablecloth.

“Jesper-”

He jumped off his chair and darted into the hallway. Blood. He needed blood. But not theirs… Fuck. Was there any other living creature in this house? If he wouldn’t feed soon, he’d pass out.

Almost blind, he stumbled into the kitchen and slid down the cabinet doors. There he smelled it. Stitch was sitting across the room, eyeing him warily. Jesper could barely focus on his shape, but his scent was strong enough for Jesper to locate him. With trembling limbs, Jesper crawled closer to him. Stitch showed no reaction.

“Who’s a good boy?”, Jesper rasped and scratched him behind his ears.

Stitch turned his head slightly.

“You are,” Jesper concluded.

Stitch wagged his tail cautiously.

Jesper took a deep breath, closed his eyes and sank his teeth into Stitch’s flesh.

A vampire’s first bite was probably like a human’s first kiss, Jesper reckoned. It was supposed to be exciting and sensual. Maybe most vampires even had their first bite along with their first kiss. 

Jesper's first bite, however, was objectively awful. There was fur everywhere, tickling his nose and getting stuck between his teeth. Being a wet dog, Stitch also smelled like a wet dog. Still, Jesper couldn’t tear his lips from the wound. He drank, and drank, and drank, until he stopped being dizzy from hunger and instead became dizzy from overeating. And yet, he still couldn’t stop.

Stitch’s whining tore him out of the frenzy.

Jesper took a step back and pressed a hand over his mouth.

 

What had he done?

 

Would Stitch survive? Would he turn into a vampire dog? Bile rose in Jesper’s throat, but he forced himself to keep it in. He wouldn’t throw up. Not now that he finally had precious blood in his stomach.

The door opened and Alfonso slid into the kitchen. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Just felt sick,” Jesper said hoarsely.

Alfonso nodded sympathetically. “I get that. It’s been a while since we’ve had something that wasn’t rice, chicken and ketchup.”

 

Jesper didn’t return to the dinner table that night. He lay on his bed, his pillow pressed over his head in a futile attempt to stop the racing thoughts.

He had bitten the pet dog of Joey’s girlfriend. He had drunk dog blood. It had satisfied him like no food and no drink had in the past months. There was no denying anymore.

 

He was a vampire.

 

An inexperienced, unprepared, confused vampire.

 

Jesper sat up with a groan and looked out of his window. Through the gaps of the dirty brown clouds, he could see a few stars and the crescent moon. He would have learn how to hunt. What should he even hunt? Humans? No, that was entirely off the table. He had no idea what his bite would do. Would it kill them? Would it turn them? He’d have to keep a close watch on Stitch, but even then, he couldn’t be sure if what was true for dogs was also true for humans. Animals it was, then. But where to find animals of decent size in the middle of Berlin?

And what about the other side effects of being a vampire? How would he react to sunlight? Would it stay at sunburns or would he turn to dust? Would he be visible in mirrors? On camera? Would the Riot staff and his teammates notice something off?

Jesper got up to close the curtains. That was a problem for his future self, he decided, and returned to bed.


	2. II. In which Jesper gets into several fights with non-human creatures and gains an ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the first animals die. Proceed with caution if this is something that upsets you! It's the last chapter containing animal death before Chapter 8, though.

It was dark outside. The display of Jesper’s alarm clock showed a faintly glowing 3:01. His teammates were asleep, and so were most of the people of Berlin, except a few who were more moth than human.

Jesper sat on the windowsill, his feet dangling into the void below. The downspout was within arm’s reach. And yet, he didn’t budge. What if he was too heavy for the pipe? Even though he wasn’t that high above the ground, he would probably still injure himself if the spout broke. Still, this was his only way out. If he left through the front door, he would wake everyone up. Maybe they wouldn’t notice him closing the door, but the old staircase would crack and groan under his every step.

Jesper peered into the darkness underneath him. Did he really have to hunt? Maybe he could make do with his iron supplements and biting Stitch every once in a while. After all, Stich was still alive, a few days after Jesper’s first bite, and he didn’t show any signs of having been turned into a vampire dog. But Stitch was only around as long as Joey’s girlfriend was around.

Jesper groaned. It was no use. He scooted closer to the pipe, clutched it tightly and swung his behind off the windowsill. The pipe didn’t move. He slid down quietly and landed on the ground with a small thud. Taking a step back, he looked at his window. He had no clue how to climb back up - he had never been the runaway kind of teenager - but he kept telling himself that he would make it back again, somehow, without having to wake anyone else up.

It didn’t take him very long to get to his hunting grounds: the parking lot of the supermarket around the corner. The store was closed, but the neon lights behind the glass front emitted a bleak light that made the scarce piles of dirty snow look even more pathetic. Jesper quickly crossed the empty parking lot. At its far end, half hidden behind the supermarket, there were a few dumpsters. As he approached, he saw tiny shadows flit around them. Jesper hoped that with vampirism came stealth and snuck closer. The rats didn’t seem to notice him. They were still milling around and scurrying up and down the dumpster walls. Jesper focused on one that was climbing more slowly than the rest. Everything seemed to slow down around him. Everything but himself. He dove at the dumpster, reached for the rat and gripped it tightly.

The rat squirmed and wriggled in his hand, scratching and biting his fingers. Jesper barely suppressed a shriek and dropped the rat. Helplessly he watched it dart under the dumpster, its fellow rats following suit. 

Jesper groaned. The rats wouldn’t come back out as long as he was there.

He returned to the parking lot, briefly stopping in front of the storefront to inspect his wounds. Either they were already healing up or they hadn’t been exactly deep to begin with. He shot a look at the dumpster. A few more daring rats were poking their noses out of their hiding places again, but none of them had yet the guts to leave the safety of the dumpsters’ shadows. Jesper needed to wait a bit longer... He paced back and forth between the snowberry shrubs that separated the parking spaces. A car drove by in the distance. And another. And a deserted bus... Jesper had no idea how long he had waited, but finally, the rats came out, one by one, and resumed their scurrying and climbing. Jesper came closer again, just as quietly as before. Again, he picked one that took its time climbing up the dumpster wall. Again, its movements slowed down as Jesper’s sped up. Before it could react, Jesper had his hands around its small body. He plucked it off the dumpster wall, even though it struggled even harder to break free than the other rat, but this time Jesper was determined not to let it escape. He took a deep breath, gripped the rat’s head tightly and twisted it around. There was a ghastly crack. The rat twitched once, twice, before it lay still in his hands. Jesper’s heart pounded in his chest. He didn’t allow himself to think about what he was doing. Otherwise he would throw up. He tried to part its fur, though to little avail, and bit down.

It was even worse than biting Stitch. The rat stank and he swallowed even more fur. To make everything worse, rat blood turned out out to have a distinct rotten aftertaste. Still, Jesper forced himself to drink. This was still better than the iron supplements. Or human food. 

Jesper emptied the rat’s veins until the last drop. Only then did he look at the carcass in his hands. Even though they were pests, rats were still kind of cute, he mused, and his disgust turned into guilt. He took the dead rat to one of the flowerbeds. Under the bare branches of a snowberry bush, he dug a shallow hole in the cold mud and carefully placed the rat inside. He looked at it wistfully for a while, so as to atone for his deed, before he covered the dead rat up. At last, he laid a pebble on the makeshift grave and wiped his dirty hands on the wet snow next to it. With a sigh, he got up and left.

Climbing back up to his room proved to be a smaller problem than anticipated. Once Jesper had gotten the hang of how to move his arms and legs, he was back on his windowsill in no time. He swung his legs over the edge and snuck into the bathroom. He craved a hot shower, but washing his hands and brushing his teeth was all he could do without disturbing the others.

His alarm rang way too early the next morning. Jesper turned around and tried to fall back asleep, but someone was tugging at his duvet.

“What?”, he grunted.

“Close the fucking window,” Luka said. “Everyone’s freezing.”

Jesper groaned in reply.

Luka let go of his duvet. A moment later, Jesper heard the window being shut.

“There. It wasn’t that hard.”

“Yes it was.”

Luka sat down at the edge of his bed. “You really aren’t a morning person.

“No.” His eyes were still closed. Yet, he could feel the sunlight on his skin. Shit. The sun had been up for hours by now and he had forgotten to draw the blinds. His skin was already turning dry and itchy. “Could you close the blinds?”

“No, my lord. Get up already.” Luka got off the bed and pulled the duvet off him.

He groaned and half-heartedly lunged at Luka, who giggled with glee and ran off, the duvet still in his hands. His mouth was probably forming this vague heart shape again, the shape it always had when Luka grinned so hard that he could barely keep his eyes open. Jesper sat up and rubbed his face. It stung. He quickly got up and closed the blinds before he left for the bathroom.

The rest of the house felt like an oven compared to Jesper’s room. His forehead glistened with sweat when he inspected the damage the sun had done to his skin. Luckily, only his cheeks and nose were slightly pinker than usual. Still, he vowed to be more careful. What if he woke up with blisters in his face one day?

 

That night, he was behind the supermarket again. He had hoped that he didn’t have to hunt as often when he drank real blood, but apparently rats didn’t last as long as a dog.

Tonight, there were only few rats. But instead, a big, striped, bushy tail dangled from the brim of the dumpster. Jesper quietly came closer. Maybe a raccoon would keep him satisfied for longer. Maybe it tasted better, too. He reached for the tail and gave it a hearty pull. The raccoon fell off the dumpster and immediately began to hiss and struggle in his grasp.

Fuck.

How was Jesper supposed to break its neck while it was kicking and scratching and biting into thin air? If he put it on the ground, it would immediately run away or, more likely, attack him. If he tried to twist its neck mid-air, his hands would get torn to shreds. Jesper wandered around, looking for possible weapons. At the other side of the parking lot, there were bottle banks. Maybe he could use a glass shard to slit the raccoons throat! But upon closer inspection, the shards were all to small to reach the raccoon’s throat without getting bitten. Jesper sighed and walked on. Lost in thought, he lowered his arm. A sharp pain in his leg brought his attention back. He yelled and let go of the raccoon. His jeans were slowly soaking up his blood.

The raccoon hissed and darted towards Jesper. He squeezed his eyes shut and punched in its general direction. To his surprise, he hit it. It landed on the ground, shook its head and jumped at Jesper again. This time, Jesper kicked it back onto the asphalt. Its skull cracked. Jesper landed another kick, and another one, and another one, accompanied by more and more cracking bones. Jesper was shaking and panting. It took him a moment to calm down. At last, he inspected the result of his outburst more closely. The face of the raccoon was completely deformed. Its limbs stuck out at weird angles. Its eyes stared on into the night.

Had Jesper really done that?

How unnecessarily cruel.

Jesper picked it up. It was still lukewarm. This had been his goal, though, hadn’t it? Killing the raccoon so that he could drink its blood? How it had died didn’t matter anymore now, Jesper tried to reason with himself. Food was food. He lifted the raccoon to his lips, pierced its skin with his teeth, and began drinking.

It did not taste any better than the rats.

Before Jesper could finish drinking its blood, a car pulled up on the parking lot. The doors opened. Someone shouted something. Then, they approached Jesper. His heart skipped a beat. He dropped the half-drained raccoon and disappeared into the bushes, from where he watched the the person examine the carcass before he snuck away through the branches and dead leaves.

When he lay in bed, a wave of remorse washed over him. He had killed the raccoon for more or less nothing. And then he hadn’t even given the poor thing a proper burial.

To Jesper’s knowledge, that was how people got themselves haunted.

 

“You weren’t there last night,” Alfonso said when Jesper slunk to the breakfast table.

“Yes, I was.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“How do you want to know?”

“Your window was open again all night. I wanted to ask you to close it, but you weren’t in your room. Or the kitchen or the bathroom, for that matter. Figured you’d climbed out of your window and that was why it was open.”

Jesper didn’t reply.

“You look like you haven’t slept at all.” Alfonso touched his cheek. His fingers were so warm. “What were you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Look, I won’t tell Joey. I’m just worried about you, you know? You’re still not eating, and now you’re not sleeping either.”

“I wasn’t doing anything, really.”

Alfonso sighed. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me now. But if you change your mind, you can talk to me, okay?”

Jesper nodded. “Sure. Thanks.”

He decided to never tell Alfonso about it.

 

The supermarket was off the table. If there had been any news reports about some weirdo killing and eating raccoons, Jesper had not seen them. Still, the risk of getting caught again was too big. Instead, he went to the park. There was a pond, and where there’s a pond, there are rats, Jesper figured.

The path was only sparsely lit. Jesper didn’t see any rats, but as he approached, he saw a few ducks sleeping peacefully in the reed. Easy prey. He slowly came closer, praying he wouldn’t slip on the wet ground and fall into the water. Quietly, he bent over the reeds. But just as he stretched out his arms to grab one of the ducks, his phone rang.

Jesper cursed himself. Why did he even bring it here?

The ducks were awake now and retreating into the pond, quacking indignantly. Jesper might as well answer his call.

“Where the fuck are you?”, Alfonso asked, his voice distorted through the speaker.

“At the park.”

“At this hour? What the fuck? Jesper, Joey’s looking for you. I told him you’re in the bathroom, but I can’t distract him much longer.”

“Thank you. I’ll be home in a a few minutes.”

“Hurry up, man.”

Jesper ran. Maybe he had gained super speed over night. The park and the streets and the houses flew past him in a blur. In a matter of seconds he was up the downspout. Just as he sat down on the bed, Joey knocked on the door.

“Jesper, are you in there?”

“Yeah, come in.”

The door opened. “Where were you?”

“Needed to piss.”

Joey eyed him. “If you say so.”

“Did you need anything?”

“No, you just weren’t in your room and I didn’t see you anywhere else in the house, so I was a bit worried.”

“No need to.”

“Yeah, guess so… Good night, Jesper.”

“Good night.”

Jesper didn’t dare leave his room again that night. At least he still had a few bottles of iron supplements.

 

Jesper hurried from the scrim room into his bedroom. Tonight, he didn’t have the time to wait until everyone was asleep. He was starving. He slammed the door shut and ran for the window.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Jesper flinched.

Alfonso was sitting on his bed, glaring at him accusingly. “This is at least the third time in a row you’re sneaking out at night.”

“Look, Alfonso, I don’t really have the time to explain…”

Alfonso got up and came closer. “Jesper, listen to me.” He put a hand on his shoulder. “I know it looks hopeless and like you’re never getting out of this, but please get help, okay? Please don’t let it ruin your life. You’re such a talented, hard-working guy. You still have such a bright future ahead of you. Please don’t let it go to waste.”

“I’m not… I’m not ruining anything here.”

Alfonso frowns. “Yeah, in the beginning you always think you have control over yourself. But that’s an illusion, Jesper. Look, you can be honest with me. I won’t tell Joey or the rest of the team. But I don’t want to lose you, you know? I’ve had some friends…”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

Alfonso’s frown only deepened. “Jesper.”

“Alfonso.”

“This is serious, you know? It’s already affecting your health. You’re not sleeping or eating… I just want to help you.”

“But I’m eating! Like, when I sneak out.”

“What?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“I don’t know. I mean, you look like shit and you always disappear into the park at night…”

“Not always. I used to go to the parking lot behind the supermarket.”

“That’s a spot too?”

“Spot?”

“I mean, a place where people sell drugs…”

“You… you honestly think I go there to buy drugs? Even though I won’t even touch your weed?”

Alfonso shrugged. “It kinda looks like it, you know?”

Jesper sighed. “Yeah, now that you mention it, it does look like it.”

“But what are you doing instead? I honestly couldn’t come up with any other plausible answer.”

Jesper closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay, so you’ve noticed how garlic makes me puke.”

Alfonso nodded.

“And that I got a sunburn from a ten minute walk in the middle of winter.”

“You did?”

“Ask Luka. He’ll be more than happy to confirm it.”

“Okay. And what else?”

“Have you ever taken a closer look at my teeth?”

“Not really. Let me see.”

Jesper opened his mouth obediently.

“Jesper, what the fuck?” Alfonso let go of him and shook his head. “You’re kidding.”

“I wish.”

Alfonso rubbed his face.

“So there you have it. I sneak out to hunt at night. And you interrupted me last night, so if I may…” Jesper opened the window. “Be right back.”

“Wait.”

“What?”

“I have a couple questions.”

“I’m fucking starving, Alfonso. Can you wait, like fifteen minutes?”

Alfonso hesitated. “Fine.”

Jesper took one last look at him before he climbed down. Alfonso was still frowning.

He didn’t have to go to the parking lot, or the park, or anywhere distant. Just as he landed on the ground, he saw a rat climb into one of the trash cans that neatly lined the street. Jesper stood idly by until the rat poked its nose out again. He reached for it, and in the blink of an eye he had caught it and snapped its neck. He looked around and retreated into the garden before he sucked its blood. The headache that had tormented him all day finally subsided.

The rat in his hand turned cold. Solemnly, he dug out a small grave under the hedge of the garden, just like the one he had made for his first rat. This time, though, he didn’t find a suitable stone. He couldn’t help but feel like the rat judged him posthumously for its incomplete burial.

With a sigh, he returned to the downspout. As he looked up, he met Alfonso’s eyes. Alfonso was pale. He climbed up slowly, struggling to keep his grip with all the mud on his hands. When he had finally made it, the dirt was all over his clothes.

“See, it wasn’t even fifteen minutes,” Jesper said triumphantly.

“Can we have our Q and A session now?”

“Just a sec. I gotta clean myself up.” He took some clean clothes out of his dresser and disappeared into the bathroom with a wave.

Alfonso was sitting on his bed again when Jesper returned. He scooted to the side so that Jesper could sit down next to him.

“You had questions for me,” Jesper said. “Ask.”

“Since when do you know you’re a vampire?”

“Found out just last week.”

“How?”

“I suddenly had my teeth in Stitch’s neck.”

“During team dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you only hunt animals?”

“So far, yes. I have no idea what happens to people when I bite them. In the movies, they always either die or become vampires themselves… I don’t want that to happen.”

“You have no clue about it at all?”

Jesper shook his head.

“Who bit you?”

“No one. Otherwise I’d probably know what happens to people after I bite them, you know?”

“Fair enough… So you were born a vampire and didn’t show any symptoms until now.”

“Looks like it.”

“Your parents never told you anything?”

Again, Jesper shook his head.

“And you don’t know any other vampires you could ask for advice, either.”

“Nope.”

Alfonso hummed. “Do you want me to look for books in the library?”

“Thanks, but my German isn’t the greatest.”

“Ah, right.” Alfonso leaned against the wall. “Are you going to tell the rest of the team?”

“Are you kidding me? You wouldn’t have believed me if you hadn’t watched me hunt that rat. Everyone would think I’m crazy.”

“Yeah, true.” Alfonso sighed. “By the way, do you only hunt rats?”

“Mostly. They’re pretty much everywhere and easy to catch.”

“What does their blood taste like?”

“It tastes like shit.”

“Then why do you still drink it?”

“For convenience’s sake. I can’t spend all night hunting if I have scrims the next day.”

“Is their blood enough for you?”

“Guess so. Why do you ask?”

“You look like shit.”

“What, pray tell, am I supposed to drink instead?”

“Human blood?”, Alfonso suggested.

“And how do I get that? I’m not going to bite anyone before I know what that does. Do you expect me to go around asking girls if they’re on their period and then eat them out?”

Alfonso laughed. “That’s not a bad idea, actually. No, but I was going to offer you my blood.”

“Your blood.”

“Yes.”

“Dude, if I’m not biting strangers, I’m definitely not going to bite you.”

“You wouldn’t have to bite me. I could cut myself or something and you’d just drink.”

Jesper looked at him skeptically. “Where would you want to cut yourself? It would have to be somewhere where no one can see it.”

“My chest? My shoulders? Something like that.”

“That… would work, I think.”

“Great.”

“You don’t have to do that, though. I’m fine hunting animals.”

“I can see how fine you are. Let me help my friend out.”

“Thank you.” Jesper gave him a genuine smile.

“So, uh, do you have a knife?” Alfonso sat up, took off his glasses and pulled his shirt over his head.

“Not tonight, Alfonso. I just drank something.”

“Okay, okay. Tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Cool.”

“Thank you, Alfonso.”

“It’s no problem, really,” Alfonso insisted. “I should be going though. Ever since you started disappearing Joey has been making his rounds at night.”

“What a mother hen.”

Alfonso shrugged. “It’s his job, you know.”

“True.”

Alfonso got up. Jesper immediately felt cold. “Good night, Jesper.”

“Good night.”


	3. III. In which Jesper finally gets some good food and spots an intruder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a surprise weekend off! \0/ More time to annoy you guys with my badfic!
> 
> By the way, has anyone heard anything about Mithy? It's slowly getting concerning.

Alfonso dragged Jesper into his room as soon as dinner was over and locked the door. “Feeding time,” he said with determination.

“I know. I’ve watched you play solo queue.”

“Come on, man, you have better jokes than that.”

“Normally yes, but I’m hungry.”

“Worry not! I’m here to fix that.” He put his glasses on Jesper’s nightstand and pulled his shirt over his head. Then, he grabbed a knife he had stolen from the kitchen.

Jesper watched intently as Alfonso pressed the tip of the shiny blade into the milky skin of his chest. Just a few weeks ago, he would have berated himself for staring so shamelessly at another guy’s chest. Alfonso’s pulse was faster than usual, he noticed. The skin gave in under the blade until it broke at last. Thick red drops slowly oozed out of the wound. The rest of the world around Jesper seemed to dim. He didn’t wait for Alfonso to put the knife down before he tackled him. Too forcefully, it seemed. Alfonso went down onto the mattress with a groan. Still, Jesper didn’t tear his lips from him even for a second.

Alfonso’s blood tasted… pure.

Clean.

After all the brackish rat blood, it was downright sweet. It rejuvenated Jesper with every greedy gulp he swallowed. It filled every last corner of his mind.

“Jesper,” Alfonso said breathlessly and squirmed underneath him.

Jesper grabbed his shoulders and wedged his leg between Alfonso’s to keep him in place. There was no need for Alfonso to struggle. Just a few more sips and he would be satisfied. Just…

“Jesper,” Alfonso pleaded again.

Jesper grunted and pressed down closer against him. Alfonso was dinner. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Jesper!”

Searing hot pain erupted in Jesper’s crotch and abdomen. It knocked the air out of his lungs. Nausea washed over him, mingling with the pain. Fuck. He couldn’t just throw all the blood up again. He curled up on the bed and squeezed his eyes shut, whimpering pitifully.

It took him a moment to regain his composure. “What the fuck?”, he finally asked.

“You wouldn’t stop.” Alfonso sounded tired. “Even when I asked you.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“I really am. Listen, if I had known I’d react like this I wouldn’t have accepted your offer.”

“I know.” Alfonso sighed. “It’s just… what if kicking you in the nuts wouldn’t have helped?”

Jesper didn’t reply. He could imagine vividly what would have happened.

The mattress dipped as Alfonso sat up with a groan. “Hey, do you still have your shitty iron juice? I feel like I need it.”

“Yeah, I think there’s still half a bottle in the fridge.” Jesper slowly opened his eyes again and immediately regretted it. The tissue Alfonso was pressing against his wound was slowly soaking up blood.

“What’s wrong?”, Alfonso asked.

“You’re bleeding.”

“No shit. I just cut myself.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Jesper dug his fingers into the duvet to keep himself from pouncing Alfonso again.

“What? Oh fuck.”

Jesper pushed him off the bed. “Go.”

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving.” Alfonso picked up his shirt and glasses. He tried to put his shirt back on, but it was inside out.

“Go!”, Jesper hissed again and gave him another shove.

Alfonso finally left.

The old, familiar metallic scent lingered on for a while. Jesper opened the window, inhaling the crisp night air. As long as he the smell of Alfonso’s blood wasn’t too strong, it was easier to suppress the urge to run after him and bite him.

Jesper sighed. Had he been too mean to Alfonso? But then, Alfonso’s life had been in more or less immediate danger. He plopped down on the bed. At least the blood smell was gone by now. He should apologize, he figured. But he couldn’t go to Alfonso’s room as long as the cut hadn’t healed up.

He reached for his phone. “Sorry for earlier,” he typed, his fingers stiff from the cold.

“Really no problem.”

Jesper couldn’t tell if Alfonso was being genuine. He dropped the phone and stared at the ceiling. His breath turned into tiny, translucent clouds. Someone would barge in to nag at him soon. With a groan, he sat up. Could he close the window from his bed? He reached for the handle, but even his arms were too short. Reluctantly, he got up and closed it.

There was a knock on his door. Joey peeked in. “Jesper, could you…”

“I know. I just closed it.”

“Thanks.”

 

“What’s your stance on crosses?”, Alfonso asked.

“Where’s that coming from?”

“In all those vampire stories, vampires can’t stand being around crosses.”

“Never tried it out, to be honest.”

“Then let’s try it now.” Alfonso grabbed a notepad he had brought to Jesper’s room and drew a lop-sided cross on it with a black marker. Triumphantly, he shoved it into Jesper’s face.

Absolutely nothing happened.

“Hm,” Alfonso said. “There goes my emergency protocol for Feeding Time.”

“Can you stop calling it that?”

“Alright, alright.” Alfonso sighs. “What are we going to do now?”

“Maybe I just lost control over myself last time because I was too hungry, you know? I mean, all I had drunk before was shitty iron juice and disgusting animal blood.”

“You might have a point. So, are we going to try again?”

“Tonight?”

“Why not?”

“Not sure. I’m not exactly hungry at the moment and I have no clue how much I’ve drunk last night. I can’t take more than your body produces.”

“That’s true.” Alfonso sighed.

“Does it feel good?”

“What?”

“Having your blood sucked out, I mean.”

Alfonso shrugged. “Kinda, yeah.”

Jesper waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t.

“So, what are we going to do tonight instead of our drinking session?”, Alfonso asked

“Sleep like normal people? Duo?”

“Duo.”

“Awesome.” Jesper got up.

Alfonso followed him.

“Don’t forget your notepad.”

 

It was almost three in the morning when Jesper decided to call it a night. He felt slightly guilty, but they had lost the last three games in a row, so there was probably no point to keep playing. He wouldn’t learn anything from it.

Alfonso yawned and stretched so hard that his spine cracked.

“Go to bed, old man,” Jesper said.

“You too, Jesper. Kids like you should be in bed by six.”

Jesper grinned. Obediently, he shut down his computer.

Alfonso yawned again.

“Do you want to go to the bathroom first?”, Jesper offered.

“Sure, thanks.”

Jesper leaned against the wall in the narrow hallway while Alfonso did his business. Lost in thought, he let his gaze wander. It was dark, but there was still light coming from under Luka’s door. Why on earth was he still awake? Jesper snuck closer.

Luka was talking to someone.

Jesper leaned in to press his ear against the door, but just as the other person spoke up, Alfonso emerged from the bathroom.

“Bathroom’s free.”

“Thanks.” He slipped inside and began brushing his teeth, pointedly ignoring the mirror.

When he left, the lights in Luka’s room were out.

It was none of his business anyway, he told himself, not without a hint of guilt. Luka wasn’t a baby. Even if he had a secret girlfriend, the team obviously didn’t suffer from it. Besides, Luka might have just called his parents or something like that. Jesper was just being nosy.

He lay down in his bed, shivering. Why was it so cold? His window was closed for once. Was his radiator broken? He got up and pressed his hand against it. It was almost boiling. Jesper shrugged. Someone else must have forgotten to close their window… Or maybe he was getting sick.

There was a knock. Well, at least the cold wasn’t a symptom of some strange vampire disease.

“Mine’s closed,” Jesper said. “Keep looking.”

 

There were dark circles under Luka’s eyes. But then, Jesper probably didn’t look much different.

“You’ve stopped eating entirely,” Luka pointed out when he spotted Jesper in the kitchen. “How are you still alive?”

“I’m eating. Don’t worry,” Jesper said quickly.

Luka scrutinized him. “You do look a tiny bit better,” he concluded. “But still not great.”

Jesper didn’t argue. He had avoided looking at his reflection - or possible lack thereof - again.

Lelo entered the kitchen, Stitch in tow.

“Puppy!”, Luka called and jumped off his chair. Stitch whine and tried to climb his legs. Luka grinned, squeezing his eyes shut, and gave Stitch a hearty pet.

“Are you leaving?”, Jesper asked.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, already?”, Luka asked, looking up from Stitch.

She shrugged. “I have a job, you know.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“You barely saw me while I was here.” She laughed.

“But what I saw of you was nice,” Luka insisted.

“You’re just going to miss Stitch, admit it.”

Luka laughed sheepishly. “Hey, Jesper, come and pet Stitch too! Who knows when you’ll see him again.”

“Stitch doesn’t really like me.”

“Oh, at least try it.”

“Actually, I think I tried too hard and that’s why he hates me.”

“What?” Luka furrowed his brows in confusion, until another grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. Laughter bubbled out of him. “Did you try to fuck Stitch?”

“No, Luka.”

Luka cackled. “Dog fucker! Dog fucker! Dog fucker!”

Jesper groaned.

Luka slowly calmed down. “Sorry,” he said, an echo of his laughter still in his voice. His face was red and his eyes twinkled.

“It’s okay.” Jesper ruffled his hair. “Not your fault you have to project your weird kinks onto others.”

“Can you get the rest of the team?”, Lelo asked. “I want to say goodbye to them.”

Jesper and Luka jumped off their chairs. Alfonso was already in the shower, singing loudly and off-key. Daehan and Yun were still in bed. Finally, they were all assembled in the kitchen. There was no formal goodbye. They hugged her and told her they would miss her, and she thanked for letting her stay at their house. Stitch kept growling at Jesper until she dragged him out of the front door into her car.

“Seriously, though, what did you do to poor Stitch?”, Luka asked later, between two games.

“Uh,” Jesper said. “Stepped on his tail. Turns out he didn’t like it.”

“Yeah, I’d be surprised if there’s a single dog out there that likes being stepped on.”

“Hm.”

“You’re so quiet today.”

“Am I ever chatty?”

“You’re quieter than usual, I mean. Is something wrong? On top of the stuff that’s already wrong that you won’t tell me about?”

“No, I just didn’t sleep very well. It was so cold… Someone probably didn’t close their window.”

“Oh.” Luka grinned sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”

Jesper pinched his cheek. “Joey was gonna nag at me, you know?”

Luka laughed.

Alfonso scooted closer with his chair. “That was you? I was freezing my ass off last night!”

“Why did you even keep your window open?”, Jesper asked.

Luka hesitated. “Well, I had beans yesterday…”

“I see. No details, thanks.”

“Shame, I had a lot of details.”

Their queue popped, and whatever response Jesper had was cut short. He kept looking over at Luka throughout the games, though, although nothing seemed off. He guessed Luka was doing the same to him.

 

“You’ve been spacing out during practice,” Alfonso said accusingly.

“Have I?”

“Yes.” He sighed. “What were you thinking about?”

“Luka.”

“Why, is something wrong with him?”

“No, he’s doing fine. It’s just that I’m sure he was talking to someone last night and I can’t figure out for the life of me who it might have been.”

“He was probably calling his parents.”

“At three in the morning?”

Alfonso shrugged. “Then it wasn’t his parents. What does it matter?” There was something surreptitious in Alfonso’s voice, as if he was waiting for Jesper to give away a terrible secret.

“I was wondering if he has a secret girlfriend or something.”

Alfonso rolled his eyes. “So what if he does? He’s playing as well as always.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you jealous?”

“Fuck no.”

“Then why do you care?”

Jesper bit his lip. Why indeed? “I guess I’m kinda disappointed he hasn’t told me.”

“Then it’s probably nothing serious yet. He’ll tell you soon enough, I’m sure.”

Alfonso was right, of course, but his answer was so unsatisfying.

“I mean, what are you going to do?”, Alfonso continued. “Watch him through the keyhole at night? Keep a vigil under his window?”

“I could,” Jesper said with a grin.

Alfonso snorted. “Never thought you’d be this creepy.”

“I’m a creature of the night. I’m supposed to be creepy.”

“Speaking of which, are you hungry?”

“A bit.”

“So, if I offered you my blood right now…”

“Why not? I’m probably not going to suck your veins dry in this state.”

A smile flashed across Alfonso’s face.

Jesper made Alfonso sit down on his bed and locked the door. He sat down next to him, looking away as Alfonso took off his shirt.

“What’s with all that modesty all of a sudden? You literally rubbed your leg against my dick last time.”

Jesper turned pink. “Did I really?”

“Yup.” Even though he wasn’t looking at Alfonso, he could hear him grin.

“I’m so sorry.”

Alfonso laughed. “It’s fine. Hey, give me the knife.”

Jesper took it out of the nightstand drawer and handed it to Alfonso. Now he was forced to look at him.

Alfonso’s chest was as pale as ever. But now, there was a deep red line where he had cut himself. Jesper ran his fingertips over the rough scabs. The sensation made his stomach flutter.

Alfonso held his breath and watched Jesper with half-closed eyes. “Are you going to let me cut myself or do you want to keep groping me?”

“Sorry, sorry.” Jesper quickly took his hands away.

Alfonso looked almost disappointed. Still, he took the knife, closed his eyes and slit his skin a bit below the first cut. Jesper watched the blood trickle down before he leaned in and licked it up. Alfonso let out a shaky breath, but he didn’t move. The blood still tasted sweet and it still left Jesper refreshed, but it was nowhere near as intoxicating anymore. With his mind clear, Jesper could savor the taste much better. Alfonso’s blood was slightly tangy, like oranges, Jesper guessed, and it had a warm spiciness, like cinnamon. But he was probably interpreting way too much into it. Jesper wondered if other vampires treated blood the way humans treated wine, with detailed guides on whose blood tasted how, and tasting lessons, and people getting paid to sound smart about it.

He couldn’t stomach much. Soon, he let go of Alfonso and handed him a tissue soaked with disinfectant.

“That was it?”, Alfonso asked.

“Do you want me to almost kill you again?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Glad we agree.”

“It’s just that I kind of don’t want to be just your blood dispenser, you know?”

“Do you want to cuddle or something?”

“It doesn’t have to be that. Just some sign that you appreciate my efforts here.”

Jesper took the tissue from Alfonso’s hand. “I appreciate your efforts here.” He carefully dabbed it on Alfonso’s cut.

Alfonso hissed.

“It’s necessary.”

“I know.”

Jesper reached for his nightstand again and took out a pack of band-aids.

“Really, Jesper? Dinosaurs?”

“They’re cheaper than band-aids for grown-ups and they don’t hurt as much when you take them off.”

“Alright, alright.” Alfonso waited patiently as Jesper placed the band-aid over his cut.

“There we go. Look, you didn’t even need to kick me this time.”

Alfonso grinned and put his arm around Jesper. “What I wouldn’t do to keep you alive.”

“I would do the same for you, though.”

“That’s…” Alfonso was desperately looking for the right word, but gave up. “Thank you,” he said instead.

“Don’t mention it.”

Alfonso rested his head on Jesper’s shoulder. “Wanna do something fun together?”

“Duo?”, Jesper offered.

“Fun, Jesper.”

He huffed. “Since when is duoing with me not fun?”

“You’re right, it’s fun.”

Jesper got up and pulled Alfonso to his feet, despite the hesitation in his voice. Alfonso quickly put his shirt back on and followed him into the hallway. When they passed Luka’s room, Jesper heard Luka’s muffled voice again. He stopped. Alfonso bumped into him.

“Why did you stop?”

“Nothing.”

Alfonso sighed. “Go.”

Jesper tried to listen to Luka while he was walking down the hallway, but everything was silent now except for his and Alfonso’s footsteps.

 

They stayed in the scrim room long after everyone else had already left. Even though it was already spring, the sun still went down early in the evening. The room was only illuminated by the ghostly blue of the monitors.

“Luka was the first to leave,” Jesper pointed out. “Just like the rest of the week.”

Alfonso rolled his eyes. “And what are you inferring from that? That he’s currently taking ten gigantic black cocks at the same time, and will do it again tomorrow night?”

Jesper glared at him. “I’m just worried because he usually stays as long as me, at the very least. Can’t a guy be worried about his friend?”

“Sure, but I’m convinced you’re reading too much into it.”

“I’m not reading anything into anything.”

“You are, but suit yourself.”

Jesper cussed as his screen turned gray.

“Don’t int just because I’m trying to keep you down to earth.”

“I’m not inting,” Jesper hissed.

“Chill.”

“I am chill,” Jesper bellowed.

Alfonso raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

Jesper waited for his champ to return to the living, chewing on his lip.

“Why is he such a touchy subject?”, Alfonso asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Jesper admitted. “I guess I’m just kind of protective of him.”

Alfonso hummed. He didn’T seem entirely satisfied.

Jesper returned to his lane and decided to take out his frustration on some poor minions.

“You know,” Alfonso said abruptly, “I’ve always kind of suspected you to have a crush on him.”

“What?” Jesper gaped at him.

“Look at the screen,” Alfonso said. Then, with more urgency, “Look at your fucking screen, god damn it!”

Jesper could only helplessly watch how three enemy players stunned him and took him out. Alfonso shook his head as he got caught in the mess as well.

“Why do you think I have a crush on Luka?”, Jesper asked while he waited for his resurrection again.

“I don’t know. The way you look at him, the way you talk about him, the way you talk to him… None of that really seems like brotherly affection to me, you know? Especially with you so concerned about what he does at night.”

Jesper sighed.

“Am I right, though?”

“So what if you are?”

Alfonso shrugged. “Nothing, I guess. I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“And between us?”

“You think I’m going to stop breastfeeding you just because you caught the gay for Luka?”

Jesper snorted.

“It’s not going to change anything about our friendship.”

“Thank you.”

“No need to.”

“I was kind of worried…”

“Is that why you were trying to deny your jealousy?”

Jesper thought for a bit. “It might be. But then, why should I be jealous? After all, you’re right and I really have no clue what Luka does behind closed doors at night.”

“But you can’t help assuming, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m kind of curious, too.”

“Then why did you nag at me?”

“I don’t know. Probably just wanted to poke fun at you.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

They fell mostly silent until the end of the game, save for game-related calls. Only when their Nexus burst and the screen spelled  _ Defeat _ in big, reproachful letters, Alfonso spoke up again.

“Let’s go to bed, Jesper. I don’t think playing more games makes any sense. We’re too tired.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“You inted harder than me tonight,” Alfonso pointed out. “That’s kind of an anti-accomplishment.”

Jesper grinned. “Fine, go to bed. I think I’ll go later.”

“Jesper, it’s butt o’clock.”

“I’m not tired.”

“I saw that.”

“Fine.” Jesper logged out and shut down the computer. “I’m doing this just for you, mom.”

“Thanks.” Alfonso gave him a small smile. “You can go to the bathroom first, if you want.”

Jesper got up and went into the dark hallway. As he turned the handle of the bathroom door, he found it locked. “Sorry,” Jesper said and stood aside.

Whoever was in there was taking their sweet time. Finally, the door opened. Someone brushed past Jesper.

Someone short, scrawny and blond.

Jesper looked past them, but only caught the back of their head disappearing into Luka’s room. He stared on, but they didn’t reemerge. After a while, he heard Luka open his window, and a mumbled goodbye.

Jesper sighed and locked himself into the bathroom.

Why couldn’t he shake the feeling that he knew that person?

 

It was, of course, the first thing he told Alfonso the next morning. Alfonso was leaning against the kitchen counter, staring into a cup of coffee as if it held the secrets of the universe.

“Guess who I saw last night,” Jesper said, immensely pleased with himself.

“Hm,” Alfonso replied and stirred his coffee.

“The person who was visiting Luka.”

Alfonso took a sip and added more milk to his cup before he asked, “And who was it?”

“Well…” 

“Well?”

“Didn’t recognize them.”

“That’s so informative.”

“But I was right about Luka seeing someone!”

“I mean, yeah.”

“You don’t seem exactly interested.”

“I’m not the one who has a crush on Luka, am I?”

“Not so loud!” Jesper frantically looked around, but no one but him and Alfonso was around.

“What did they look like, anyway?”, Alfonso asked.

“Short. Skinny. Dark blond, greasy hair. Pretty sure it was a guy.”

“So he’s into skinny blondies. I think you have a chance with him.”

Jesper groaned. “You’re the worst.”

“I’m sorry,” Alfonso said, and he actually did look a tiny bit apologetic.

“It’s okay. But you know what’s weird?”

“What?”

“I’m convinced I’ve seen them before.”

“So it has to be someone from the LCS, right?”

“Uhm…” Jesper tried to remember the last time he had left the house to socialize. “Yeah, it has to be someone from the LCS.”

“And someone short and blond… Someone from Splyce?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s all I remember at the moment.”

“Me too. Do you actually think he’s banging someone from Splyce?”

“Don’t know. If my suspicions about him and Fabian are true, then he certainly has no qualms about fraternizing with the enemy, if you know what I mean.”

“Fabian? Are you sure?”

“Kind of. You never noticed anything?”

Jesper shook his head. “Maybe I was too busy lusting after Luka myself.”

“Maybe. I’m not going to psychoanalyze you.”

“Sure you aren’t. One day you will take Weldon’s spot.”

Alfonso grinned. “Maybe, if I really become too bad at League.”

“You already are.”

Alfonso smacked his head.

 

Jesper lay awake that night, his brain still too busy with the boy who had visited Luka to let him sleep. Was he back tonight? Jesper was dying to know, but something - basic human decency, Jesper hoped - held him back. Still, he couldn’t stop his thoughts from returning to the mysterious boy, and to Luka, laughing with him, touching him, maybe kissing him, maybe… Because why else would he only stop by at night if not for romantic reasons? Why else would he hide from the rest of the team? All of their teammates brought friends over every once in a while. There was no other reason to hide their rendez-vous.

But Jesper pushed his investigations into a deep, dark corner of his mind. Work first, he told himself, and practiced as though he was possessed. He went to bed last and woke up first. When he was not eating or taking care of a minimum of personal hygiene, he was playing. It paid off. G2 breezed through the spring split finale without any real competition.

Luka hugged him tightly as the Unicorns fell. Amidst the glitter and the cheers, the confetti and the fanfare, all he registered was the fragrance of Luka’s blood. There were more arms around him, and the distant rejoicing of his teammates, but Luka overshadowed it all. Was it because his blood was foaming with adrenaline and endorphins?

Was it because of Jesper’s crush?

Alfonso gently peeled him off of Luka to hug him properly. “We did it,” he whispered. “We have another chance to prove ourselves.”

At that, Jesper snapped out of his trance. He pulled Alfonso closer and smiled giddily.

Joey ushered them to shake the Unicorns’ hands. Jesper trailed behind Luka, following the scent of his blood. His eyes never left him, not even when he thanked the Unicorns for the great games. Not even when they went to the front of the stage to bow to the crowd. Especially not when Luka reached for the trophy and lifted it skyward with twinkling eyes.

 

“I don’t really want to go,” Jesper said. He was sitting on his bed, pointedly ignoring the clothes Alfonso had picked out for him.

Alfonso mustered him. “There’s going to be chicks and alcohol.”

“I know.” Jesper puffed his cheeks.

Alfonso sighed. He dropped the shirt he had just pulled out of Jesper’s dresser and came over to the bed, trying to tower over Jesper. “We just won the third split in a row. We’re going to party like we ought to and you’re coming with us whether you like it or not.” 

“It’s going to be a disaster.”

“You don’t know that yet.”

Jesper sighed.

Alfonso sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just worried.”

“About what?”

“I could smell Luka’s blood all evening.”

“Oh. So you think you’re so hungry and lovesick that if you get drunk you won’t be able to stop yourself from biting him.”

“Yeah. If I can even keep the alcohol in my stomach, that is.”

“I’m not sure about that, but I know a solution to your hunger.”

“You mean, right now?”

“Why not?” Alfonso leaned over and reached for Jesper’s nightstand.

“Yeah, why not…”

He waited for Alfonso to take off his shirt and cut another line. His chest was littered with thin streaks in a variety of pinks and reds by now. Jesper pushed Alfonso down onto the mattress and put his lips on his chest. Alfonso’s blood hadn’t lost any of its sweetness, even after all this time. Hearing Alfonso’s heartbeat and quick, shallow breathing still had its allure. And yet, after catching the scent of Luka’s blood, it all seemed so unsatisfying to Jesper. Still, Jesper drank in big gulps. He wiped his mouth when he was done and carefully disinfected the cut.

“Can we actually cuddle a bit tonight?”, Alfonso asked as Jesper stuck another dinosaur band-aid on his chest.

“I thought you were so eager to get to that party.”

“I am,” Alfonso insisted. “But maybe ten minutes or something…”

Jesper put the knife away and lay down next to Alfonso, wrapping his arms around him.

“Thank you.” Alfonso smiled as he scooted closer.

“No problem.” Jesper rested his head on Alfonso’s shoulder. “I mean, it should be me who’s thanking you.”

Alfonso didn’t reply. He only looked at Jesper and tucked a strand of hair behind Jesper’s ear. There was a strange kind of sadness in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Alfonso said. “Just a bit sentimental.”

“Why?”

“Just a year ago, we were in literal hell. And now we’re together on this team with our friends and we’re going to MSI and we get another chance to show the world that we aren’t the losers they got to see last year and…” He trailed off.

Jesper hummed in agreement.

“I’m glad that I got to experience all this with you, you know? Even the hell parts.”

Jesper stared at him, his mind racing. How was he supposed to respond in this moment of sudden emotional intimacy? “I’m glad, too, you know,” he finally said. “That you’re here with me, I mean.”

“Thanks.” Alfonso gave him a smile, but it was distorted. Not in a disconcerting way, though. It only seemed as though he still had something on his heart. He took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s get going. We need to experiment on your stomach.”

Jesper groaned, but followed him nonetheless.


	4. IV. In which Jesper gets fried alive, redeems himself and almost embarrasses himself in public

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renamed the fic because I didn't really like the old title. This one is much edgier.
> 
> This chapter is more or less the backstory of [that one tweet](http://boosted-animals.tumblr.com/post/160967185779/and-so-i-told-him-this-will-be-our-land-and) which still makes me weep after a year and a half.
> 
> Also Mithy has a home! Yay! Hooray! What time does Origen play!

Jesper squeezed his eyes shut in the scorching sun. Despite the ugly hat he was wearing, and the oversized sunglasses, and the centimeter thick layer of sunscreen on his skin, he felt as if his entire body was shriveling up.

He had thought he had was prepared for Brazil.

He had been wrong.

While at least Luka and Alfonso seemed like fish in the water, Daehan and Yun weren’t faring much better than Jesper. They kept begging Joey to let them go to the hotel already. After a few minutes of intense discussion, Joey finally relented, to the protests of Alfonso and Luka.

“Jesper and Alfonso, you two share a room,” Joey shouted over the noise of the shuttle. “Hope you two are okay with that.” 

As if they had ever not been okay with it. As if they hadn’t banked on that to make their nightly feeding sessions easier.

Jesper plopped down on the bed the second they arrived at the hotel. He didn’t even bother to take his shoes off. Alfonso was standing on the balcony, soaking up the sun while having a smoke. Jesper was about to doze off when there was a knock on the door.

“Alfonso, can you open it?” Detaching himself from the mattress seemed impossible to do.

“You’re closer to it than me.”

Jesper groaned and heaved his body off the bed.

Luka stood in front of the door with a bright grin. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

Luka let himself drop onto the bed in the exact same spot Jesper had occupied. “The beds here are so comfy.”

Jesper hummed.

“Hey, do you guys want to go to the beach later?”

“Beach?” Alfonso poked his head inside the room, making sure his cigarette was as far away from the threshold as possible. “Did you say beach?”

“Hell yes,” Luka confirmed.

“Hell yes,” Alfonso agreed.

“Are you coming too, Jesper?”

“Uh…”

“Oh, please!” Luka sat up and tugged at Jesper’s sleeve. “Please, please, please! It’s no fun without you.”

Jesper tried to ignore the fluttering of his stomach. Still… “I don’t know. I don’t want to burn.”

“But I brought tons of sunscreen and you can sit under the trees if the sun gets too much!”

Jesper was not entirely convinced that was going to work.

“Pretty please?” Luka looked up at him with puppy eyes.

“Okay,” Jesper relented. “But not for long.”

“Yes!” Luka jumped up and hugged Jesper, almost knocking him over. “You’re the best!”

“I never get this sort of treatment,” Alfonso complained.

Luka let go of Jesper and hugged him just as boisterously. “I already brought my stuff. Let’s go!”

 

Even though Jesper had retreated to the shade of the trees almost the second they had alighted on the beach, his skin was becoming drier by the minute. Alfonso and Luka were horsing around in the water, without doubt having more fun than him. Jesper sighed and reached for his bag for the third time over the past half hour. The bottle of sunscreen was almost empty. He shook and squeezed it to get a few more drops out of it. When he finally had a decent amount in his hand, reaching his back proved impossible.

It was unfair. The beach looked like a heavily edited picture on a postcard with its deep blue sky, lush palm trees, the calm, turquoise sea. The tanned, attractive young people lying about on their towels and blankets and enjoying themselves were just the icing on the cake.

If only he didn’t feel so guilty for being, in Luka’s words, “such a party pooper.”

At least Luka was finally emerging from the waves, Alfonso in tow. Jesper tried to tear his eyes from his glistening, toned body and the way his swimming trunks clung to it, but he failed. The closer Luka came, the more details he noticed, and the stronger the scent of his blood became.

“You look like a lobster,” Luka pointed out when he finally reached Jesper’s hideout.

“That bad?” Told you so, Jesper thought, but bit his tongue.

“Pretty much. You honestly could have gone swimming with us if you were going to burn no matter what.”

“Nah,” Alfonso said, “he would have gotten third-degree burns in the direct sun.”

Luka cackled. Jesper was glad he had no idea how right Alfonso was.

“Wanna go home?”, Alfonso offered. “We’re going to have dinner soon, anyway.”

“Sure.” Jesper more than happily put his shirt and his pants back on, even though the fabric chafed against his irritated skin.

“Oh, already?” Luka pouted.

“Yeah, already. Joey is going to spank us if we’re late.”

“Fine.” Luka reached for his towel. Jesper watched in awe as he stretched and bent to dry himself off.

“If I didn’t know for a fact it’s just a sunburn I’d think you’re blushing,” Alfonso said with a grin.

Jesper punched his arm lightly.

Luka cackled and strutted around under the trees, swinging his butt. The blood scent wafted around him like cologne.

Jesper groaned and rubbed his temples.

“Hurry up, Luka,” Alfonso chided him.

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

“Sorry for earlier.”

Jesper, in the middle of taking off his shirt, stopped to look at Alfonso. “What exactly do you mean?”

“You know, pointing out you were blushing.”

Jesper shrugged and pulled the shirt over his head. “It’s fine. We always joke about stuff like that, you know?”

“Yeah, but I could have outed you.”

“But you didn’t.”

Alfonso picked up a bottle of lotion and sat down on the bed, just behind Jesper.

“Seriously, I think it would be more suspicious if we stopped joking around.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Alfonso poured some lotion in his hand and began massaging it into Jesper’s back.

His skin stopped burning and itching in an instant. Jesper closed his eyes and hummed.

“Does it feel nice?”

“The absence of pain has, in fact, never felt nicer.

Alfonso snorted. “Do you want me to keep massaging you?”

“Yes please.”

“Okay.” Alfonso kept kneading and rubbing Jesper’s back. Every so often, he wiped his hands on a towel as Jesper’s skin came off in flakes. “Turn around,” he eventually said.

“Thanks, but I can do my chest myself. I really only needed you for my back.”

“Turn around,” Alfonso insisted.

“Okay…”

Alfonso’s fingers moved more lightly than they had on his back. It almost tickled.

“Do you want me to stop?”, Alfonso asked when Jesper pointed it out.

“No. It feels nice.”

“Good.” He kept massaging him, his hands wandering lower and lower.

“That will be enough,” Jesper said when Alfonso’s hands came dangerously close to his waistband. “Thank you.”

Alfonso let go, disappointment written over his face.

“Thank you,” Jesper repeated. “Could you give me the lotion?”

“Sure.”

Jesper quickly rubbed his thighs and shins with the lotion. He had no idea why he was feeling so vulnerable all of a sudden. He had been half-naked around Alfonso countless times. It wasn’t as if Alfonso was a pervert. And still, he felt the need to turn away from Alfonso.

The strangeness between them was luckily gone by the time Luka banged against the door the next morning.

“Get up!”, he shouted. “We’re going to have our match soon!”

“What?”, Jesper asked and shot his phone a panicked look. It was just before nine.

“Get up, get up, get up!”

Jesper peeled his blanket off his body and trudged to the door. God forbid Luka woke up all the other guests on this floor. Just before he could fully open up, Luka squeezed past him. Jesper didn’t have the energy to stop him from pouncing Alfonso’s bed and trying to tickle him awake.

“What on earth did you two do last night? He’s not waking up. Did you kill him?”

Indeed, did he? Jesper tried to remember what had happened the night before. Had he drunk Alfonso’s blood again? He wasn’t sure.

He had probably killed Alfonso.

“I…”

His heart was hammering in his chest and the rush of blood in his ears was deafening. Just as he felt he would pass out, Alfonso opened his eyes.

“Luka, why are you always so loud?” He shoved Luka off the bed. “Let an old man sleep.”

Jesper’s knees gave out and he sat down on his bed. Slowly, his senses returned to him. Of course he had not killed Alfonso. He hadn’t even drunk his blood last night. God, he was so tired.

Luka sat down next to him. “Don’t go back to sleep.”

Jesper grunted. “Why the fuck are you up so early?”

“I’m excited!” He bounced up and down on the mattress. “Today is the day we’re going to prove ourselves to the entire world! Today is the day we redeem ourselves!”

Jesper closed his eyes.

“Man, you’re no fun.” Luka poked his side.

Jesper showed no reaction.

Luka sighed. “Anyway, you two need to eat something before our games.”

Alfonso sat up straight at the mention of breakfast. “Jesper, do you want t shower first or can I?”

“You go,” Jesper murmured.

Alfonso sniffed the clothes lying on the floor before he picked up a handful and disappeared into the bathroom. Seconds later, there was the sound of him turning on the shower.

Luka nudged Jesper. “Look alive.”

“I’m not alive.”

“Edgy.” Luka rolled his eyes.

Jesper didn’t reply. His body sagged back onto the bed.

“What’s the matter with you, honestly?” Luka’s voice was quiet, almost careful. “I know I keep needling you about it, but you still don’t eat and you still look like shit and you’re always so tired…”

“Iron deficiency.”

“Figures. I saw all those bottles in the fridge. But is that really it?”

“Of course. Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been isolating yourself. You only talk to Alfonso these days.”

“Oh. I hadn’t really noticed.”

“Did I piss you off?”

Jesper raised his eyebrows. “You could never piss me off, no matter how hard you keep trying.”

“Really? Because it feels like I did.”

“Really.”

Luka lay down next to him and wrapped his arms around Jesper. His heart skipped several beats and his breath hitched.

“I want you to be happy, you know?”, Luka mumbled against Jesper’s shoulder. “I really care about you.”

Jesper’s mouth was dry. “Thank you,” he rasped.

Luka snuggled even closer to him. Jesper was convinced he could hear his heartbeat.

The bathroom door cracked open. Alfonso stepped out, only a towel shielding his manhood from the world.

“Are we decent?”, Luka asked. “Why did you take an armful of clothes with you if you were going to come out naked anyway?”

Alfonso only laughed and tore the towel off his hips. Swinging it over his head, like a lasso, he jumped around the room, closer and closer to Jesper’s bed. Jesper’s and Luka’s protests were only half-serious.

 

The tournament was much, much closer than any of them liked. Getting out of the group stage depended on a myriad of factors. But it was the only option for them. If they dropped out of yet another tournament, Europe would never give them a chance again.

They were sitting backstage, eyes fixed on the TV screen on the wall. Jesper wanted to reach out and hold Luka’s hand. Of course it would be only to calm Luka down. Never mind Jesper’s own nerves.

And then, Flash Wolves won.

And just like that, they were saved.

Cheers and shouts erupted in the tiny room. Everyone hugged each other. It was a tangle of limbs and heads. And above all, Luka’s laughter.

And Luka’s blood.

 

Finals rolled around. Jesper looked SKT over curiously. They were all so short and skinny. Sure, they were the best team in the world, but not a single one of them intimidated him.

In the end, G2 were defeated. But the whole world agreed that they had lost more than graciously, and that they had thoroughly restored their honor.

Back at the hotel, Luka took his hand. “Let’s go have some fun together.”

Jesper gaped at him, desperately searching for words as heat rose to his cheeks.

“Let’s go party together, I mean.” Jesper thought he could see just the tiniest hint of a blush on Luka’s face.

“Sure,” Jesper said. “Just let me get my stuff.”

Luka led him god knows where. Not a single piece of furniture in the bar matched another. The tiled floor was so sticky Jesper feared he would never be able to leave the establishment if he sat down for too long. The barkeeper spoke blissfully little English. It was unclear whether the vines wrapping around the pillars and dangling from the ceiling were meant to be decoration or a testament of Mother Nature reclaiming a space that had once been hers. Not that Jesper cared much as long as there was alcohol. And Luka. Mostly Luka. In the dim light, the spell he had over Jesper was even more intense. His lips, his eyes, his jawline… Jesper thought he could get lost in looking at him forever.

And apparently he did.

A pair of hands on his shoulders made him jolt out of his trance. He whipped around to see who it was.

Behind him, Alfonso, Daehan and Yun were grinning at him.

“Found you!”, Alfonso said triumphantly.

“Sit down,” Luka said and smiled. In the half-shade, the heart his lips formed was even more prominent.

It was a miracle that the small table in their middle held all their drinks. Somewhere in the mess must have been a candle. All Jesper could focus on were the dancing shadows on Luka’s face. The others chatted and laughed and paid no mind to Jesper. He was grateful for it.

 

“Wanna go somewhere else?”, Alfonso eventually suggested. As far as Jesper could tell, he had already tried every drink on the menu.

The others debated. At last, they decided to leave the establishment. Alfonso guided them to another bar whose interior was significantly more sleek and modern. The drinks were also significantly more expensive.

Luka was clinging to Jesper’s arm. The proximity and the scent of his blood made Jesper’s head spin, but he tried to keep himself steady. At least until he had found somewhere to sit down, that was.

As soon as he had spotted a chair, he sat down, forgetting that Luka was still attached to him. Poor Luka squeaked as he toppled over. With his hand, he steadied himself on Jesper’s thigh.

“No boners in public, Jesper,” Alfonso quipped as Jesper turned beet red.

“Shut up,” Jesper grumbled.

Alfonso laughed.

“Jespo loves Luka!”, Daehan squealed.

“No, I don’t!”

“You don’t?”, Luka asked, taken aback. Jesper couldn’t tell how serious he was. “I thought I was your friend!”

The others laughed, and Jesper joined in half-heartedly.

“What do you guys want to drink?”, Alfonso asked as he got up.

Everyone gave him their orders and he disappeared.

Luka pulled his chair closer to Jesper’s. Its legs scraped over the terrazzo with a loud creak. “He’s such a mother hen,” he whispered. “I never really get a chance to get close to you when he’s around.”

“Well, now he’s gone,” Jesper said lamely.

Luka giggled. “Yes, he’s gone.” He rested his head on Jesper’s shoulder.

“Does Luka love Jespo?”, Daehan asked, clapping his hands in delight.

Time stood still as Jesper watched Luka’s grin widen.

“Of course I do,” Luka said. “Who wouldn’t love Jesper?”

Alfonso chose that moment to return with the drinks. One by one, he put them on the table, making sure the remaining glasses on the tray clinked together with sufficient force. “Oh, no, you guys don’t have to help me with the drinks. It’s fine.”

“Just drink, Alfonso,” Luka said and nudged him.

Alfonso obediently sat down and took a nip of his glass, eyeing Luka and Jesper. “Luka, weren’t you sitting over there earlier?”

“Perhaps.” Luka smiled sweetly.

“Come on, be honest and just sit on Jesper.”

“Great idea!”

Bad idea, Jesper thought. But Luka had already gotten off his chair and was hovering over Jesper’s lap. He looked aside. Still, he couldn’t help but twitch when Luka finally sat down.

Luka wasn’t exactly heavy. That always took Jesper by surprise, because even though Luka was short, he was stocky and muscular. It was still enough weight to remind Jesper that Luka was there, though, especially when he shifted around to reach for his drink. Jesper closed his eyes, but that only made the sensation more intense.

Luka set down his glass and leaned against Jesper. “You’re breaking Alfonso’s no boner rule,” he whispered.

“Shut up.”

Luka cackled.

“Don’t you dare tell the others.”

“Oh, I’m sure they already know.” Luka grinned. It was probably supposed to be sly, but he mostly looked pleased with himself. “I’m having too much fun with this, though.”

“I can tell,” Jesper said, trying to keep his voice steady as Luka kept wiggling around in his lap.

Luka rejoined the conversation of the others, leaving Jesper to stew in his arousal. “Who’s buying the next round?”, he asked, his finger already on the tip of his nose.

Daehan, Yun and Alfonso followed suit.

“What?”, Jesper asked when everyone was staring at him.

“You’re buying drinks,” Yun said.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes,” Alfonso insisted. “I already paid for the last round.”

“But I can’t get up.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ve gotten it up alright.”

Luka giggled.

Jesper sighed. “Get up, Luka.”

Luka obeyed, not without rubbing against Jesper as he squeezed out of the chair. Jesper grabbed his jacket, tied it around his hips and went to the bar. When he returned, Luka was all sprawled out on his chair.

 

Jesper lost track for how long he was trapped between the chair and Luka’s ass. At some point, the frequency with which the staff members checked their phones and wrist watches increased.

“Let’s head home,” Alfonso decided.

Luka finally detached himself from Jesper. “You’re coming too, right?”

“Sure. Just - bathroom.”

Alfonso and Luka grinned.

They were waiting for him outside of the bar. The air was still balmy, and the smell of food mingled with the smell of the ocean. The mountains glowed with the lights of the city.

Luka gestured at them. “It’s so pretty here,” he slurred. “All those colors… all those lights… I love it. Jesper, don’t you love it?”

“I love it, I love it,” Jesper agreed quickly.

Luka grinned and took his hand. “I don’t ever want to leave. It’s so nice here. There’s sunshine and beaches and we’re winning games against SKT.” He dragged Jesper forwards, further down the road.

“Anyone remember how to get to the hotel?”, Jesper asked.

“Yes,” Alfonso said. “Down the road and then turn right at the crossing.”

Luka marched on unsteadily but forcefully, following Alfonso’s directions, pulling Jesper along. On top of a bridge, he stopped abruptly.

“What’s the matter?”

The others slowly caught up to them.

Luka tried to put an arm around Jesper’s shoulders. “This…” he waved at the scenery ahead. Behind an empty parking lot lay the river, calm and majestic, and the billions of city lights on the other shore sparkled thousandfold in the dark water. “This will be our land, and we shall rule our lane kingdom.”

Despite the cheesiness, Jesper’s heart beat faster. He wasn’t sure if it was just because of Luka’s presence or because it finally sunk in that yes, God yes, he was redeemed.

“Our lane kingdom,” Jesper repeated. He felt Luka’s smile more than he saw it. “We should greet our land as kings do.”

Luka nodded earnestly and raised his beer bottle. Jesper did the same.

“To our kingdom,” Luka said.

“To our kingdom,” Jesper agreed.

Behind them, there was the click of a camera shutter. Jesper turned his head. Alfonso had his phone pointed at them.

“What? You two looked cute together.”

“Can I see?”, Luka begged.

Alfonso handed him the phone.

“It looks so cool! Can you send me that later?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks!” He took Jesper’s hand again. “Let’s go.”

Jesper had no choice but to follow him.


	5. V. In which Jesper bumps into someone he knows and attends a slumber party

Something was off about their communication. Something was off about their shotcalling. Something was off about  _ everything _ .

Was it because Yun and Daehan had returned from Korea so late into the split? Was it because Luka had been sick at the beginning?

Jesper groaned as his nexus exploded for probably the fiftieth time today. Next to him, Luka and Alfonso sighed, groaned, clicked their tongues, cursed under their breaths, glared at the screen, but given that their scrims had gone in a similar way for a while now, the knowledge that they shared his misery offered little solace.

Jesper wanted to grab the whole team by their shoulders and shake them.

 

He stayed up late, so late that the horizon turned turquoise when his eyes burned so much that he voluntarily closed League. Yes, maybe he should call it a day already. His spine cracked loudly when he got up from his chair, but otherwise the house was quiet. As though no one else lived in it… Only when he approached the bathroom, he heard tap water rushing inside. Then, the lock clicked, the handle turned, and out stepped a boy.

It was Jensen.

He returned Jesper’s wide-eyed stare.

“What are you doing here?”, Jesper whispered.

“Could ask you the same.”

“I live here!”

They resumed their wordless staring. The world changed from deep cyan to light grey around them.

“Anyway, would you be so kind as to let me out?”, Jensen asked eventually.

“Oh. Sure.” Jesper stepped aside.

Jensen disappeared into Luka’s bedroom.

 

It was the first thing Jesper told Alfonso about in the morning.

Alfonso barely looked up from his coffee. “Jensen, huh…”

“Yes. You know, Cloud 9 Jensen. You know, the midlaner of an American team. You know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Alfonso put his cup down and stared blankly at the wall. “Wonder what he was doing here.”

“Were you even listening to me?”

“Of course, of course. I know he was here to pay Luka a visit, but I meant, like, doesn’t he have scrims? Why is he in Europe? Did he take some time off? If yes, why isn’t he with his family?”

Jesper hummed in agreement. “Their management didn’t announce anything about him not playing this week.”

“Weird. So he has to get back before…” Alfonso frowned. “What day is it today?”

“Tues- no, Wednesday.”

“And Cloud 9 plays on Friday… so he has to get back tomorrow at the latest if he wants to attend those games, and even then he’d miss scrims completely.”

Jesper hummed again. “He’s done that before, though. At least once. The first time I saw him here he played on stage two days later, too.”

“It doesn’t seem like him to waste that much time on traveling instead of practicing. I mean, intercontinental flights take ages. He wouldn’t do that every week, unless…”

“Unless?”

“Unless he found a way to make it quicker.”

“Like how?”

“I don’t know,” Alfonso admitted, “but we can’t rule out the supernatural anymore, can we? Not with you being…”

They looked around, but everyone else seemed to be still asleep.

“You think he’s a vampire, too?”, Jesper asked quietly.

“Maybe. Maybe he’s something else. Would you want him to be a vampire?”

Jesper hesitated. “Actually, yes,” he said at last. “He might be able to answer some of my questions.”

“What if he can’t? Or if he doesn’t want to?”

Jesper shrugged. “Then I’ll have to look for someone else to guide me.”

The sound of bare feet on the kitchen tiles tore them out of their conversation.

“Why do you need guidance?”, Luka asked, his voice still thick with sleep.

Jesper froze. “Discovered a few things about myself,” he stammered.

Luka squinted at him. “Are you gay?”

Jesper clenched his fists. But he had planned on coming out eventually anyway, hadn’t he? So why not do it now? Perhaps Luka would stop prying if he did. “Yeah, well, I guess, I mean, I like boys.”

“Thought so.” Luka grinned triumphantly.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve had hordes of fangirls throwing themselves at you and you never did anything with them.

“Hordes of fangirls.” Jesper snorted. “Maybe fifteen in total ever since I joined G2.”

“My point still stands.” Luka bent down down to get a bowl from the dishwasher. Jesper was ashamed for staring, especially in these circumstances, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from Luka’s backside. “I mean you probably would have hurt them with your monster dong.”

“With my  _ what _ ?”

Alfonso almost fell off his chair with laughter.

“Well, if your dick size is proportional to your height, then it’s got to be humongous, right?”, Luka argued.

“No, it’s - Why the fuck are you even thinking about my dick?”

Alfonso, having barely calmed down, burst into shrieks and howls again.

“Why wouldn’t I?”, Luka asked, ignoring Alfonso. “Puberty makes you think stuff like that.”

“Puberty,” Alfonso repeated, out of breath.

“Yes, Alfonso, we can’t all be in our nineties.”

Alfonso inhaled deeply, calming down at last. “Anyway, Jesper’s not the only one who invites boys into his private quarters at night, huh?”

“Huh?”, Luka repeated.

Alfonso continued, despite Jesper’s glare. “Jesper happened to bump into Jensen last night.”

Jesper vehemently shook his head and waved his hands.

“Oh!” Luka grinned. “Yeah, he was there. I don’t know. He didn’t seem to want anything in particular. Just wanted to talk.”

“To talk?”, Jesper asked skeptically.

“Yes, Jesper. Sometimes, people do that. Not you, granted, but other people.”

Jesper raised his eyebrows.

“What’s it to you, anyway? Are you jealous.”

“What? No! No, I’m not. I was just wondering how he got here is all, but you wouldn’t know that either, would you?”

Luka shrugged. “He came and left through the window. That’s all I know, really.”

Jesper frowned. Did Jensen throw stones at Luka’s window to get his attention, like in some cliched high school romance flick? How happy was Luka to see Jensen? Did he kiss him as a greeting? Did he -

“It’s weird, don’t you think?”, Alfonso mused. “I mean, he comes here in the middle of the week just to talk to you.”

“It is,” Luka agreed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he laughed sheepishly. His mouth was forming a heart shape again, and the way it made Jesper’s chest flutter felt so, so wrong.

“I should go get my practice on,” Jesper said and got up, just as Luka was sitting down with his bowl of fruit loops.

He tugged at Jesper’s shirt. “Stay here. You haven’t eaten anything again.”

“Yes I have. I had breakfast before you got up.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Promise?”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Promise?”, Luka asked again.

“Promise,” Jesper relented.

“Alright. But please stay here, anyway. I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“You saw me yesterday during scrims.”

Luka rolled his eyes. “No but, really seen you. You’re still avoiding us. Except Alfonso, maybe.”

Jesper obediently sat back down, and Luka finally let go of his shirt with a contented smile. His eyes twinkled in the late morning sun. Jesper wanted to reach out, to touch him, but he didn’t allow himself to. Luka put his spoon down, and as if he could read Jesper’s mind, he reached to poke his cheek.

“What?”, Jesper asked, trying to ignore the shivers Luka’s little innocent touch sent down his spine.

“Just making sure you’re really sitting here.”

“I am. Isn’t the sight of my Adonis-like body enough to confirm that?”

“It’s just been so long, you know? You always show up for practice and then, after twelve hours or so, when you’re done practicing, you disappear again. And on your off-days you don’t show your face at all.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad.”

“It’s that bad.”

Jesper looked pleadingly at Alfonso. “Back me up.”

“I think I need to go take a piss,” Alfonso said and slipped from his chair.

“Alfonso?”, Jesper called after him.

“Leave him,” Luka said. “I kind of want to talk to you alone, just the two of us.”

Jesper frowned.

“Look, I’m not saying that being a super hard worker is bad or anything. Everyone on the team looks up at you for your work ethic.”

Jesper cocked his head. “I’m sure Alfonso -”

“- looks up to you,” Luka finished the sentence for him. “But I think the way you’ve been avoiding us lately has taken a toll on us.”

“Really? Why?”

“What would you do if your friend suddenly stopped talking to you or hanging out with you?” You’d wonder if you did something wrong, if you’ve pissed them off or something. But the entire team can’t have pissed you off, right? We’re not like Origen. I hope.”

The corners of Jesper’s mouth twitched upwards.

“So the only other solution to this mystery is that there’s something wrong with you. I mean, everything looks like it, right? You’ve stopped eating, you’ve been sneaking out at night…”

Jesper opened his mouth to defend himself, but Luka cut him off.

“Everyone knows. Even Joey. Before you ask, Alfonso didn’t tell us. He tried to cover for you, even.”

“I know.”

“Good. But seriously, we want to help you but we can’t. At all. You’re just hiding from us and we’re getting more and more worried every day and…” He stared at his fruit loops. “Anyway, I think this is at least partly why we’re doing so bad in the LCS right now.”

Jesper looked at him, his mouth open. Luka was still not meeting his eyes.

“You mean, you’re too worried to think about anything else, or…?”

“Of course we can still think about strategies and shit like that. It just makes this whole synergy and teamwork thing a lot more difficult, you know?”

Jesper nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry.”

Luka leaned over to put his hand on Jesper’s shoulder. Its warmth spread through all of Jesper’s body. “Don’t be, “ Luka said. “I mean, by all means, do something about it! But your well-being is more important than the team, you know?”

“Are you joking?”

“I’m not. You’re my friend, you dingus.”

“Thank you.” Jesper gave him a small, weak, but genuine smile.

Luka ruffled his hair, Jesper obediently lowering his head so that Luka could reach it. “Do you have anything to talk to about what’s bothering you?”

“Yeah, Alfonso.”

“Alfonso,” Luka repeated slowly. “That’s good. Alfonso is good at being talked to.”

“Are we done with the interrogation?”

“Not yet.” Luka took his hand off Jesper’s shoulder. “Can I ask what’s wrong with you?”

“Sure you can.”

“And am I going to get an answer if I do?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then my question is: What, pray tell, is going on with you?”

“The answer is that I’m not going to tell you.”

“Fuck off.”

Jesper laughed. Luka grinned, too. It was as though a thick fog had lifted off of them, and they could finally enjoy the light of the still young day again. Jesper pulled his chair back and got up.

“One more thing,” Luka said. “Please.”

Jesper stood there, raising his eyebrows.

“Can we watch a movie together tonight?”

“Sure,” Jesper said, and froze. Alfonso had offered to feed him again tonight.

“Sure?”, Luka asked.

“Yeah, I mean, I have to talk to Alfonso first.”

“Why, are you two dating? Is that why you’re not talking to anyone else, because Alfonso won’t let you?”

There was a brief silence. Then, “Luka, what the fuck?”

Luka shrugged. “What do I know?”

“No, Alfonso and I are not dating. We did have plans for tonight, but I’m sure it won’t take all night, and -”

“What were you two going to do?”

Jesper desperately tried to come up with a witty answer. “Something secret,” he finally said.

Luka grinned knowingly.

“Shut up!” Jesper’s face turned red.

Luka’s grin broadened.

 

Luka was lurking behind his door, peering out of a narrow crack, when Jesper left the scrim room. “You promised,” he reminded Jesper.

Jesper jumped and almost hit his head on the door frame. “I know, I know. Just let me and Alfonso do… our… thing.”

Luka shook his head. “That horny, huh?”

“It’s not what you think,” Jesper groaned.

Luka laughed as Jesper disappeared into his room.

He sat cross-legged on his bed as he waited for Alfonso to show up. Not even a minute later, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in!”

“Hey, said Alfonso as he entered.

“Hey.” Jesper patted the mattress.

Alfonso put his glasses on Jesper’s nightstand, took off his shirt and sat down next to him.

“Luka thinks we’re fucking,” Jesper said.

Alfonso shrugged. “Everyone does.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Not really. Let them think what they think. We know we’re not fucking, right?”

“Right?” Jesper took the knife, a small bottle of disinfectant and a pack of tissues out of his drawer. Squinting, he held the bottle against the ceiling light. “Gotta buy more of this stuff.”

Alfonso hummed and reached for the knife.

“Does it hurt?”, Jesper asked.

“The cutting? Of course it hurts. Have you ever cut yourself and it didn’t hurt?”

“No, of course not. Dumb question.”

Alfonso closed his eyes, slowly adding another gash to his chest.

“Do you think you’ll have scars later?”

“Jesper, shut up and drink.” He pulled Jesper’s head closer. “If you make me think about what I’m doing here I might end up regretting it.

Jesper dared to look up at him. There was something strange in Alfonso’s eyes.

Regret?

Pity?

Jesper had no clue.

“Hurry up already. Luka is waiting for you.” Whatever there was in Alfonso’s eyes, it was in his voice as well.

Jesper looked back down and leaned in top put his lips on Alfonso’s chest. He drank in small gulps.

“I should pay you back somehow,” he said when he was done. “After all the stuff you’re putting up with for me it would be only fair.”

Alfonso hummed and handed him a tissue and the disinfectant. “I’ll come up with something.”

“Good.” Jesper soaked the tissue with disinfectant and pressed it on the cut. As always, it made Alfonso flinch.

“No cuddling tonight, huh?”

“No, I don’t think we have time for that.” Jesper fished a band-aid out of his nightstand. To his disappointment, it was beige and boring.

Alfonso quickly put his shirt back on. “I should get going,” he said quietly.

“Yeah. Thank you for doing this for me.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Of course I’m not gonna mention it to anyone.”

Alfonso got up but hesitated.

“What?”, Jesper asked.

Alfonso pulled him into a tight hug.

“What?”, Jesper repeated and patted Alfonso’s back awkwardly.

“Nothing.” Alfonso let go of him. “Good night, Jesper.”

“Good night.”

He followed him out into the hallway. Alfonso disappeared into his own room, leaving Jesper staring after him for a moment before he knocked on Luka’s door. “Luka? We’re done.”

The door opened and before Jesper could say anything, he found himself pulled into a room that vaguely resembled Luka’s. The windows and usually barren walls were covered in string lights and the bed was hidden under a pile of pillows and blankets.

“Welcome to our cuddle kingdom,” Luka said.

Jesper was too perplexed to laugh. “What happened to your bedroom?”

“Decorated a bit. I mean, your return to the world of the living needs to be celebrated, right?”

Jesper prodded at the pillow tower. “Isn’t this going to be too hot?”

“It’s going to be cozy.”

“If you say so.”

Luka sat down on the bed and patted the empty space next to him. Even though the pillows made moving around difficult, Jesper crawled closer to him.

“Want some?” Luka offered him some Toblerone.

“Oh, uh, no thanks,” Jesper said.

Luka narrowed his eyes. “I’m watching you, beanpole.”

“Beanpole?”

“Bean-Dane, if you want.”

Jesper snorted.

“So, what are we going to watch?”

“Wait, was I supposed to pick a movie?”

“Well, yeah, that’s what I thought, since this is about you and everyhing.”

“Oh.”

“Man, communication in this team really sucks donkey dick.”

“Yeah… I have no clue what to watch, though. You pick something.”

The mischievous glint in Luka’s eyes made Jesper instantly regret his words.

“You’re gonna love this,” Luka said.

Jesper dared to look at the thumbnail on the streaming site. The first thing he noticed was Nicolas Cage. The second thing he noticed was the long, greasy hair and the dirty tank top on Nicolas Cage. “Oh no,” Jesper said.

Luka cackled. “Oh yes.”

Luckily, Luka wrapped his arms around him before the movie even began, leaving his mind blank and his heart palpitating.

“You’re cold,” Luka complained. “I bet it’s because you never fucking eat.”

“I do,” Jesper insisted.

Luka frowned at him and reached for one of the blankets.

“Oh, Luka, that’s not necessary.”

“Yes it is.” Luka wrapped the blanket around Jesper’s waist and snuggled back up to him. “There you go. That’s better.”

Jesper was sweating enough to fill a swimming pool, by his estimate, but he didn’t complain. Luka was just trying to be nice to him. And he got cuddles out of it, at least.

A hand on his cheek tore him out of his thoughts, making his breath hitch.

“Luka?”

“You’re so pretty.”

“I- what? I mean, thank you, but where’s that coming from?”

“It’s so funny how easy it is to embarrass you.”

“Funny.” The word stung.

“And cute,” Luka added.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re so cool and aloof and reserved all the time like some mythical creature, but you’re so bad with feelings. You wouldn’t be able to tell someone has a crush on you until they’ve shoved a bouquet of roses up your ass.”

“That’s kinky.”

Luka grinned, making Jesper’s stomach flutter. “Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it.”

Jesper snorted. “You’ve stuck roses in your ass?”

“No,” Luka huffed.

Jesper laughed. “Why are you getting so defensive?”

“You’re the worst,” Luka whined and poked his cheek, but he couldn’t suppress a grin. His eyes met Jesper’s, but instead of looking away, he held his gaze.

Now would be a perfect moment to pull Luka closer and kiss him, Jesper thought, and it took him all his willpower to stop himself.

“You really are so dense sometimes.” Luka shook his head.

“Why? Do you know someone who has a crush on me?”

Luka stared at the ceiling. “You’ll find out when you have a bunch of roses in your ass.”

Jesper rolled his eyes. “Thanks. That’s super helpful.”

“My answers tend to be.”

To Jesper’s disappointment, Luka took his hand away from his cheek. Instead, he rested it on Jesper’s chest, and oh, that was nice, too. Something about it was so soothing.

“I’m glad you’ve come over,” Luka said quietly.

“But you invited me and did all the decorations and…”

“And?”

“I should be thanking you.”

“Sometimes people do something for others just because they like them.

“Yeah, no shit, but…”

“And sometimes, people like you.”

“Oh.” He likes me, Jesper thought. He just admitted it.

But then, he probably only liked him platonically. Daehan and Jesper were already gay, so what were the odds that there was another gay person on the team?

Luka closed his eyes, only to jolt upright and stare at his laptop in confusion. “Wait, what happened to the movie?”

“Looks like it’s over. We survived.”

Luka pouted. “You didn’t pay attention to it.”

“I was paying attention to you.”

“The entire time?”

“Well…” Jesper swallowed and looked at the ceiling.

Luka shook his head.

“Do you want me to go?”

“What? Why?”

“Because the movie is oveR?”

“Do you want to leave?”

Jesper swallowed. “Not really,” he admitted.

“Then please stay here with me.”

“I have to brush my teeth, though.”

“I’ll come with you.”

Jesper peeled the by now damp blanket off of himself and went to the bathroom, Luka in tow. His skin was sticky in the least convenient places.

Luka was leaning against the sink, a toothbrush in his mouth, and ducked his head so Jesper could get his own toothbrush. They stood in silence for a little while, only the sound of scrubbing teeth between them.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Jesper said after he had rinsed out his mouth.

“Okay.” Luka made no effort to leave.

“Luka? I, uh…”

“Can I see it?”

“What?”

“Your dick. Can I see it?”

“Why the fuck are you so keen on seeing my dick?”

“Just wanna know if it lives up to the legends.”

“There are legends about it?”

“Well, rumors at least.”

Jesper shook his head. “No, you can’t see it.”

“Oh.” Luka pouted, but opened the door. “Promise you’ll come back when you’re done?”

“Promise.”

“Thank you.”

When Jesper returned, Luka had dozed off already. He had stripped down to his underwear and was lying on top of the pillow pile. Jesper closed the door quietly and took off his clothes as well. He plucked a blanket from the pile and wrapped it around Luka before he lay down next to him. Luka opened his eyes for a moment and scooted closer.

“You need a blanket, too.”

“No, not really.”

But Luka climbed on top of Jesper’s stomach, taking his blanket with him. “There we go.”

“Thanks,” Jesper said.

Luka put his head on Jesper’s chest, right above his heart, and closed his eyes again. There was no way he couldn’t hear how fast it was beating, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he rubbed circles on Jesper’s chest with his tumb.

“I’ve missed being so close to you.”

“Sleep already,” Jesper said softly. Was it the wrong thing to say? Probably, but Jesper was too tired to say anything else.

Luka’s hand went still. “You sleep, too.”

“Of course.”

“Good. Good night.”

Jesper felt Luka smile against his chest. He thought he was going to burst with happiness. If only Luka never stopped smiling.

Lukas breathing evened out, but the smile was still there. Jesper took a few deep breaths himself, trying to calm down, but it didn’t  work. Luka was too much there, too much on his chest.

Too close.

Jesper’s eyes got used to the dark quickly, and in the light of the streetlamps - Luka had forgotten to close the curtains - his bare shoulders shimmered softly. Jesper pulled the blanket up, even though the air was balmy, and slowly, reverently pet Luka’s hair. It was softer than expected. Quickly, he removed his hand. What if Luka woke up? But Luka was still fast asleep, snoring quietly. The sound soothed Jesper, and soon enough, he was drifting off himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH WE'RE HALFWAY THERE
> 
> Hope all of you had nice holidays and a great start to the new year! <3<3<3  
> There are four more chapters and the epilogue to go, so thank you for sticking with the fic so far, and I hope you'll be with me until the (bitter?) end!


	6. VI. In which Jesper eats pizza with his friends and responds not very enthusiastically to a boy’s advances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesper throws up in this one! He is also forcibly kissed. Proceed with caution if this is something that upsets you.

It was a bright afternoon in June. The team had a day off, so naturally they all spent it sleeping and eating. All of them except Jesper. He still sat with them at the kitchen table, trying not to gag at the faint smell of garlic that rose from the pizza cartons.

“Want some?” Luka tore a slice from the rest of the pie and shoved it into Jesper’s face. The garlic stench almost knocked him off his chair.

“Oh,” Jesper said, “thank you. I already ate.”

“So? You have to try it! It’s so good!”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve had it before.”

“You have? Did you like it?”

“Yeah,” Jesper said, trying to ignore the stinging in his tongue while his mouth was watering up. “Especially the garlic.”

“I know, right? Do you want that slice?”

“No!” Jesper took a deep breath through his mouth, hoping it would dispel his nausea. “No, thank you.”

“Why not?”

“I’m full.”

“Sure you are.”

“Ask Alfonso.”

“He had kebab,” Alfonso said immediately.

Luka raised his eyebrows. “One slice can’t hurt.”

“I’m gonna get fat,” Jesper said.

Luka snorted. “You? I’ve never seen you gain a single gram even though all you ever eat is fast food.”

The stench was clouding Jesper’s mind. His stomach was convulsing.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll take it,” Alfonso said quickly.

Luka glared at him. “You’ve already had an entire pizza. It’s Jesper who’s refusing to eat.”

Jesper got up, but the room spun vehemently. “I don’t feel well.”

“Because you’re hungry.” Luka grabbed his wrists and pulled him back down.

“Leave him,” Alfonso said.

“Are you enabling him?”

“Enabling? What?”

“Just eat the damn pizza.” Luka nudged Jesper’s lips with the tip of the slice. The garlic-infused grease made his skin tingle.

“Can’t,” Jesper said.

Luka used the opportunity to wedge the pizza between his teeth. The foul taste of the garlic grease spread through his mouth, running down his tongue into his throat and leaving a fuzzy sensation behind. Jesper couldn’t help but swallow it. It would take only a few seconds to reach his stomach, and -

Searing pain erupted in Jesper’s stomach. He jumped off his chair, dropping the pizza slice on the floor, and ran for the bathroom. He didn’t even make it to the toilet before his entire body shuddered and he spat out acrid bile and grease. Just barely did he register Alfonso entering the bathroom, and soon after Luka. The garlic smell was there again, and Jesper’s stomach contracted once more, leaving him heaving and clutching his belly on the bathroom floor. Why did no one in this goddamn house wash their house after ending?

“Go back to Joey,” Alfonso ordered.

Luka left, and Alfonso opened the window. Warm air flowed into the small bathroom and the garlic stench soon subsided. Only the puddle of vomit on the tiles still radiated a hint of it. Alfonso reached over Jesper’s curled-up shape to flush the toilet.

“How are you?”

“Couldn’t be better,” Jesper rasped.

“Think you got all the garlic out?”

“Don’t know. My stomach still hurts.”

Alfonso crouched next to him, putting a hand on his shoulders.

“Here we go again,” Jesper choked out and steadied himself over the toilet. His stomach pulled itself together, and chills shook his body in waves. A sharp pain shot up his esophagus like a knife, pressing into his mouth. Bile splattered into the bowl, mixed with rancid garlic and something distinctly metallic.

“Fuck,” Alfonso said next to him.

Jesper wanted to reply, but the pain didn’t stop. In fact, it got worse, blinding Jesper and leaving him at the very edge of his consciousness. His arms gave out under him. He still vaguely registered Alfonso catching him and screaming for Joey while he was spitting vomit and blood.

“Joey? Call an ambulance!”

Even though Jesper had his eyes closed, everything turned even blacker.

 

The first thing he saw was Alfonso. At least the fuzzy brownish splotch in front of the glaring white of his surroundings reminded him of Alfonso. He blinked a few times to clear his vision.

“How are you?”, Alfonso asked.

“Is he awake?” Joey shoved Alfonso aside.

“I’m alright,” Jesper rasped.

“Oh, thank God.”

Jesper closed his eyes again.

“Do you remember what happened?”, Alfonso asked.

Jesper tried to pull all the loose ends of his memories together. “Yes,” he said at last. “Did the doctors find out what was wrong with me?”

Alfonso and Joey looked at each other.

“What?”

“You know,” Joey began, “that’s the thing. They didn’t find anything.”

“Are you serious? I threw up blood. It had to come from somewhere.”

“Nope,” Joey insisted. “No internal bleeding, nothing.”

“Weird.”

“Absolutely,” Joey agreed.

 

“Does he suspect anything?”

Jesper was sprawled out over his bed, Alfonso lying next to him, his hands resting on his hands and yawning.

“Maybe he does,” Alfonso said. “I mean, everyone knows at this point that there’s something going on with you. The question is just if he actually suspects something supernatural behind it.”

Jesper hummed and closed his eyes.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“A bit.”

“A bit,” Alfonso repeated.

“I’m starving.”

“Thought so.” Alfonso sat up and took his shirt off. His once uniformly pale chest was by now riddled with pink and red streaks. Some of the cuts had turned into thin, white scars already. The most recent cut was still hard with rusty red scabs.

Jesper took the knife and set its tip against Alfonso’s chest, pressing into the skin but not breaking it.

“What are you waiting for?”

“I sure did a number on you, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your chest, Alfonso.

“Oh, that.”

“I’m sorry.”

Alfonso shrugged. “Well, it’s necessary.”

“I feel like I should pay you back for it.”

“You want to?”

“Yeah, for all the pain you go through for me and shit.”

Alfonso hummed. “I might have an idea. Put the knife down.”

Jesper put it on the nightstand. “And now?”

“And now…” Alfonso quickly pulled Jesper closer, closer, too close, and before Jesper knew what was happening, Alfonso’s lips were on him.

His mind went blank. It was too much, too much proximity.

Too much in his space.

Alfonso’s chapped lips, Alfonso’s stubble, Alfonso’s fingers digging into his shoulders, leaving him no way to escape. Alfonso’s teeth against his lip, pressing down too hard. Alfonso’s hand appearing from his shoulder and reappearing on his butt, sending jolts of disgust through Jesper’s body. Alfonso’s tongue, warm and wet and weird.

Jesper sat there  frozen stiff.

“You’re no fun,” Alfonso complained when he broke the kiss.

“You could have warned me.”

“I’m going to kiss you again.”

“You are not.” Jesper grabbed Alfonso’s ears to keep him in place.

“Why not?”

“Because… Because! We’re friends, Alfonso. Nothing more. And I don’t want to ruin that.”

“You wanted to pay me back for letting me cut me open every other night. There you go. That’s how you do it.”

“I have to kiss you every time I need blood? There’s no other way?”

“That’s how it works.”

“Fuck you, Alfonso.” Jesper got off the bed. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you have to make things weird between us?”

“I’m making things weird? As if you drinking my blood isn’t weird.”

“It’s a different kind of weird. You know what I mean.”

“Of course I do. But look at it like this… Imagine you have a crush on someone. You two get closer, become friends, and your crush turns into love. And then he talks you into letting him drink your blood all the time.”

“I didn’t talk you into it. It was your idea. I would have been perfectly fine hunting animals.”

“I saw how fine you were.”

“So you decided to make use of that?”

Alfonso shrugged.

“Is that it? You saw I needed help, made me accept your help, and now you’re forcing me to kiss you all the time even though I don’t want to be anything but friends with you? Even though you know damn well I’m interested in someone else?”

“It doesn’t have to be kissing.”

“What?”

Alfonso grinned.

“Oh, fuck off. And you have the nerve to call that love. Get out. Get off my bed.”

“You’re not getting blood that way.”

“I don’t need your fucking blood.” He grabbed Alfonso by the arms and pulled him off the bed.

“Think about it-”

Jesper reached for the knife. “Get out.”

Alfonso disappeared in the blink of an eye.

The knife clattered on the ground, leaving a dent in the wood, as Jesper sank back onto the bed. The spot Alfonso had occupied was still warm. He run a hand through his hair and cursed.


	7. VII. In which Jesper finds a hedgehog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains yet another animal death, slight gore, and attempted rape. Proceed with caution.

It was as dark as it could get in Berlin, but in the pale light of the streetlamps, the leaves of the trees on the sides of the street drew intricate patterns on the still warm asphalt. Distant traffic noise came from the main street, but hardly anyone ever strayed here. Jesper kept close to the shadows for reasons he didn’t understand himself. What was he looking for here, anyway? If he wanted rats, the dumpsters behind the supermarket would have been the most convenient choice. Still, he skulked along, slowly, quietly, listening for the faintest sound around him.

There was nothing of note here, though. A grasshopper, two mosquitoes, a mouse that was so small that Jesper would expend more energy hunting it down than he would gain by drinking its blood. Jesper sighed and turned to leave when he spotted something. 

A scrawny red cat was sitting on the hood of a car. It was cleaning itself, but despite its best efforts it still looked unkempt. Jesper squinted. It didn’t wear a collar. Noiselessly, he stepped closer. The fur on its belly and on its legs was stiff with dried mud.

This wasn’t anyone’s pet.

Jesper took a deep breath and dove at the cat. Everything seemed to slow down around him, just like Jesper remembered it, and his fingertips were touching the sticky fur already. But then, the cat sped up. It darted off the car, screeching loudly, and before Jesper could realize what was happening, his face slammed into the car.

He lay there for a moment, his eyes squeezed shut to stop the dull throbbing in his head, before he rose to his feet. His knees were shaking. He took a few deep breaths and looked around. Had the screams alarmed anyone? But the street was just as deserted as before. There was light behind only a few windows. The cat was nowhere to be seen, either…

Maybe there was something else to be caught. Jesper resumed his silent patrol along the street, but after a few steps, the sidewalk slipped away from under his feet. He tried to correct his course lest he collided with another car, but the sidewalk swung into the opposite direction. Jesper reached for something, anything, to steady himself on, but he grasped at thin air. His head was still pounding. His stomach rumbled threateningly. He sat down on the pavement and buried his head in his hands, taking deep breaths while he waited for the world to stop spinning.

When had he last eaten something? It must have been almost a week ago. The few animals in the city were good at hiding, except for the ubiquitous pigeons. But they always flew away… Was there really no better way of getting blood? Black pudding was a thing, of course, and fairly popular in Germany as well. But would Jesper be able to keep down the lard and the flour? He could also break into a slaughterhouse. Or maybe just buy some blood from a butcher, perfectly legally and much less of a hassle than Jesper’s nightly hunt. But tonight, all butchers’ shops were closed already. Jesper was left to his own devices.

Something stirred in the brambles by the sidewalk. Something decidedly bigger than a mouse. Jesper turned around and followed the rustling noises. The metro tracks above the brushes began hissing quietly, then louder and louder. Jesper had to be quick. Otherwise, the creature would run away from the train before he could capture it. Without thinking, he lunged into the mess of leaves and thorns and almost cried in pain.

It was a hedgehog.

Still, spiky food was better than no food at all, so Jesper tightened his grip on the poor animal. The needles tore into his skin as it struggled. Blood dripped down to the pavement as Jesper brought it to his lips. He hesitated. The hedgehog had curled up into a ball. Try as he might, Jesper couldn’t pry it open. His hunger had made him too weak. He couldn’t get to the hedgehog’s throat.

He couldn’t kill it before feeding.

And biting it while it was still curled up would hurt Jesper.

But there was no guarantee he would find something else to feed on, was there? And considering how dizzy he had been earlier, he might be too weak to hunt tomorrow night. Jesper took a deep breath, closed his eyes and brought the shivering hedgehog to his mouth again. Needles splintered between his teeth as he bit down, stabbing his cheeks and tongue. The blood was unbearably sweet, like undiluted syrup. It mixed with Jesper’s own, foul blood, making him gag. Still, he forced himself to swallow the mixture. Even though he tried to push back the splinters with his tongue, he still swallowed a few, piercing his esophagus. The hedgehog’s struggling became weaker and weaker, until it stopped completely.

Jesper buried it under the brambles as the train thundered past above his head. At least the hedgehog had died curled up so that Jesper didn’t have to see its eyes. He spat out the last splinters and wiped his lips with a tissue. His cheek was torn open, and although Jesper didn’t have a mirror, the throbbing in his flesh told him it was a fairly big gash. 

It didn’t matter.

Time and vampirism would heal that wound.

His stomach was queasy during his walk home. As it turned out, hedgehog blood was less filling than he had hoped. This was his third week without human blood. For how much longer could he go on?

But what was he supposed to do? Find a new host? The risk of being recognized was too big. Being intimate with strangers wasn’t his cup of tea, anyway. Should he randomly attack people? No, that was entirely off the table as long as he had no clue what his bite did to humans. And whether they died, survived or became vampires themselves, they would be traumatized.

Maybe he should just suck off Alfonso and be done with it. There were worse people to sleep with. But even though Luka and Jesper weren’t in a relationship of any kind - did Luka even like him back? - it seemed like betrayal. Not that Luka would care, really. If anything, Jesper would betray himself, for the thought of Alfonso in his mouth made the churning in his stomach even worse.

Animal blood it was and would most likely be it for the rest of his life.

At least for the rest of his career.

Jesper turned left into the street of the gaming house. The ache in his cheek subsided with every step. Before he climbed up the waterspout, he looked up. Was anyone still awake? How quiet would he have to be? The light was still on in Luka’s room. It wasn’t unusual for him to stay up until the wee hours of the morning, but tonight, the sight filled Jesper with inexplicable dread. Slowly, he climbed up the pipe and pulled himself onto the windowsill, careful not to make any noise. He stole into the bathroom to examine his wound. It looked barely like a mosquito bite by now. Jesper took his toothbrush and scrubbed away, more grateful than ever for the all-overpowering flavor of artificial mint. By the time he spat the foam into the sink, his skin was as smooth as always. Except…

Jesper leaned in closer. Then he took a step back from the mirror, only to lean in again. He could see the contours of the towel rack behind him through his skin. He stepped aside. Now he could see the shower behind him.

Was he slowly disappearing?

There was nothing he could do, though, but watch it over the next few days to see if it would get worse.

He left the bathroom as quietly as he had entered it. Light still seeped through the crack under Luka’s door as Jesper crossed the hallway. Jesper checked his watch. Only four in the morning… Still, something was decidedly off. Something  _ smelled _ off. A thick, sweet fragrance was filling the air. Jesper instinctively recognized it as something vampiric. But it didn’t come from him, Jesper was sure. Was Luka -

Jesper didn’t bother knocking before he barged into Luka’s room and stopped dead in his tracks. Luka was lying on his bed. His chest still moved, but other than that, he was frozen still, and his pupils were blown so wide that his eyes appeared black.

The heavy scent came from the figure on top of Luka. It was Jensen straddling his hips and running the tip of his finger along Luka’s neck.

“What are you doing?”, Jesper hissed.

“Seducing Luka. What does it look like?”

“Seducing?” Jesper’s eyes fell on Luka again. His eyes were glassy and he was staring past Jensen. “He’s completely out of it. What the fuck did you do to him?”

“That’s the pheromones.”

“Pheromones? Did you drug him?”

Jensen snorted. “Please. His mind is just a bit clouded at the moment.”

“Get off of him.” Jesper dove at the bed and pushed Jensen over. They landed on the ground with a thud.

“What the fuck?”, Jensen hissed.

Jesper hovered over him, reaching out to help him up, but instead Jensen punched him. Jesper doubled over, barely suppressing a howl. Jensen had hit his groin, and before Jesper could gather himself, Jensen dug his fingers into Jesper’s scalp to pull him down. Jesper flailed around. His fingernails caught onto skin, and he scratched blindly as much as he could. With a yelp, Jensen let go of him. Jesper stood up, only to receive a kick to the shins that sent him tumbling over again. Jensen was on top of him in the blink of an eye, trying to pin him down, but Jesper shoved him off with all his might. But before he could land a hit, he was knocked into the wall. Stars danced in front of his vision. Something heavy pinned down his legs before he could regain his senses. Jensen was staring down at him with eyes glowing like embers, his icy hands wrapping around Jesper’s throat.

“Jensen-”

He squeezed, and squeezed, and squeezed. Jesper tried to push him off, but Jensen didn’t budge. In fact, his grip tightened even more around Jesper’s throat. Dark spots obscured his vision.

Could he die like this?

He clawed at Jensen’s hands, but he scratched his own skin more than Jensen’s

There was a groan from the bed. “What the fuck is going on?”, Luka asked. “Who’s there?”

“Just us,” Jensen said and let go of Jesper’s throat.

“Why are you fighting?” Luka rubbed his head. “Ow…”

“Jesper interrupted me while I was getting what is rightfully mine.”

“Rightfully yours?” Jesper glared at Jensen.

Jensen got up and sat down on Luka’s bed. “You see, Luka, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and you have something I need, so I thought I’d use my pheromones on you…”

“Pheromones? Are you an animal?”

“Something like that.”

“But why? I probably would have fucked you anyway. No need to drug me.”

Something tugged at Jesper’s heart.

“I didn’t drug you, Luka. I just pheromone’d you.”

“I don’t know. I felt pretty drugged.”

Jensen sighed. “Anyway, that’s not the only thing why I came here. There’s something else that you would have never said yes to with a clear mind.”

“And what would that be?”

“Want me to show you?” Jensen scooted closer to Luka and opened his mouth. His sharp fangs glistened in the light of the bedside lamp. He leaned in close, so close…

Time slowed down around Jesper again. Just like during the hunt. Before Jensen’s teeth tore through Luka’s skin, Jesper collided with him. Jensen hit the ground with a loud groan, and Jesper crashed onto Luka’s knees.

“What the fuck?”, Luka asked.

“Your blood.” Jensen sat up. “I want your blood.”

“You’re sick.”

“No, Luka. I’m actually a vampire.”

“Like hell you are.” Luka pulled his duvet up to his chest.

Jensen bared his fangs again.

“You’re not getting my blood.”

“Not even a tiny little drop?”

“Get out.” Luka’s voice was toneless and shaky.

Jensen stared at him, and the heavy pheromone scent slowly returned. Luka covered his mouth and his nose with his hands.

“Get out,” Jesper repeated and took a step towards Jensen.

The scent slowly waned off.

“Whatever, this isn’t worth the trouble.” Jensen strode to Luka’s window with an infuriating calmness. Jesper and Luka watched in awe as he opened it, sat down on the windowsill with his back facing the outdoors, and let himself fall.

“Where did he go?”, Luka murmured.

Jesper darted to the window, but Jensen was gone without a trace. Further down the road, though, by the light of a streetlamp, a bat fluttered along. It didn’t circle the light, but flew further and further away from it, rising higher and higher into the sky. Jesper wanted to slap himself.

He could have turned into a bat all along.

“What the hell was that?”, Luka asked. He sounded less sluggish now.

Jesper closed the window and quickly returned to Luka’s bed.

“What did he do to me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did he drug me? I swear, I have no clue what he was doing here…” Luka didn’t look at Jesper and instead hugged his trembling knees.

Jesper pulled him into his arms. “He used pheromones on you.”

“So I didn’t make that part up.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“And after the pheromones, what did he do then?” Luka didn’t quite manage to hide the crack in his voice.

“Nothing, I think. You were still dressed when I came in.”

Luka swallowed. Completely?”

“Completely.”

“Okay.” He sniffled, and Jesper tightened his hug. “Fuck. Who knows what he could have done to me? He could have killed me. He could have-”

Jesper slowly rocked him back and forth.

“And he could have killed you too. A vampire! I always thought my grandma was crazy when she told everyone her vampire stories.”

“Looks like she wasn’t.” Jesper dared not ask Luka about those stories. Now was not the right time.

“Do you think all vampires are like that?”

“I don’t know.” Maybe Jesper was like that, too. The thought was like a punch to the gut.

“Dumb question. That was probably the first vampire you’ve seen, too.”

If only you knew, Jesper thought.

“But the fact alone that they have pheromones speaks for itself, doesn’t it? It’s like Mother Nature made them rapists,” Luka continued.

Jesper swallowed. Didn’t Luka have a point? Didn’t Jesper threaten to fall into a blood craze every time he got close to Luka?

“Honestly, vampires should all be hunted down and killed. They’re too dangerous.”

Jesper offered no response.

“Maybe that’s what I should do if I ever retire from League.”

“Yeah, Jesper said, but his voice sounded so distant. “That sounds like a good plan.”

“Are you going to help me?”

“Why not?” Jesper forced a smile.

“You’re the best.” Luka squeezed him tightly. His warm, sweet, spicy scent engulfed Jesper, and his stomach rumbled and churned with hunger. His head spun again, and if Luka didn’t give him any room to breathe soon, he would throw up all over the bed. Luckily, Luka released him. “Can you stay here tonight?”

No, Jesper thought. I’ll end up biting you, and killing you, and God knows what else. You said it yourself: I’m too dangerous.

But he didn’t say that. Instead, he said: “Okay. Scoot a bit.”

And Luka scooted a bit and held his duvet up so that Jesper could crawl underneath it. “Thank you so much,” he whispered, and Jesper’s skin tingled where Luka’s breath had ghosted over it. He wrapped his short arms around Jesper’s lanky frame and was asleep in an instant.

Jesper found no sleep that night. Luka’s room was spinning to fast.


	8. VIII. In which Jesper leaves the house

“Why aren’t you guys talking to each other?”

The air in the scrim room felt like cotton. Joey looked at each of his foster sons and sighed. “We’ve been together for a year and a month now. Synergy shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

No one answered.

“Did you all get into an argument?”

Still no reply.

“Alfonso, you’re the most mature of the bunch. What happened?”

Alfonso shrugged.

Joey rubbed his temple and turned to his next son. “Jesper, what happened?”

It was no use. No matter how many questions Joey asked, how much he grilled each member of the team, one by one, no one said anything.

And what was there to say, really? That Jesper didn’t talk to Alfonso anymore because Alfonso had tried to use him for sex after he found out Jesper was a vampire? That Jesper didn’t talk to Luka because Luka was scared of vampires? Because no matter how Jesper twisted and turned it, that was what it all came back to.

If only Luka, Daehan and Yun didn’t have to suffer from it.

 

“I think Joey meant the two of us,” Luka said after scrims.

“Guess so.”

“Why aren’t you talking to me like you used to anymore?”

“I’m talking to you.”

Luka sighed.

Jesper turned back to his screen.

“It’s gotten worse ever since you caught Jensen in my room.”

Jesper stiffened.

“I just thought that, since it shook me quite a bit, maybe you would talk to me more now, you know, to see if I’m okay.”

Jesper swallowed.

“Because, you know, Jensen might have come back during all the time you didn’t even look at me.”

Jesper whipped around in his chair, his chest tightening. “Are you serious? Did he come back?”

“No. He might have, though. And you wouldn’t have been there to protect me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re the only one who can protect me, you know? You’re the only one who knows vampires are real. So please, tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.” Luka had lost all of his usual haughty demeanor. “I need you, Jesper.”

“You did nothing wrong, Luka. I’m just…”

“You’re just?”

“Questioning a few things about myself.”

Luka snorted. “Please, you already came out.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I’d rather not tell you.”

“Why not?” His childlike impertinence was back.

“Because…” Jesper desperately wracked his brain for a satisfying answer. “You’re going to hate me if I tell you.”

Luka rolled his eyes. “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

Jesper shook his head.

“Do you have a crush on me and think I’m going to be disgusted if you tell me?”

There was a pang in Jesper’s heart. It would be so easy to come clean now, but then what? Of course, Luka would reject him. But if he didn’t, and they started dating, then Luka would find out in no time. “No, that’s not it either.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just said I’m not telling you.”

Luka frowned and took a step closer to Jesper’s chair. Suddenly, his small, warm hands were on Jesper’s shoulders, rubbing them gently. “You’re always so cold.”

Jesper tensed up.

“You’re going through stuff, too. I get that.” Luka leaned in so closely that Jesper felt his breath on his neck. “It’s not going to get any better if you isolate yourself, you know?”

Of course Jesper knew. Weldon had nagged at him often enough because of it.

“I just want to help you, Jesper.” Luka wrapped his arms around Jesper’s chest, his honey scent engulfing him. If only he leaned in closer, maybe pressed his face against Luka’s neck…

He darted out of the chair.

“Jesper?”

“You- you can’t help me, Luka. No one can.”

“Oh my God. Oh my fucking God.”

“I know what that sounds like, but I mean it!”

“Fuck, at least talk to Alfonso about it.”

“Can’t.”

“You two broke up?”

“We weren’t dating!” Jesper must have been shouting, because Luka flinched. “Sorry. Touchy subject.”

Luka frowned. “Is that why you’ve been shutting yourself out even more lately? Because you and him are at odds?”

“Yes. Partly, at least.”

“Is that why you think I’m going to hate you?”

Jesper shook his head.

“Does it have anything to do with you never eating?”

“I’m-”

“No, Jesper, you’re not.”

Jesper groaned.

“So, am I right?”

“No.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not. Stop prying.”

“I’m not prying.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m just trying to help you.”

“And I told you I don’t want you to. Repeatedly. Can you drop it?”

“No, I can’t.”

“Jesus Christ.” Jesper brushed past Luka, out into the hallway. There was no other way out of this situation, was there?

“Where are you going?”

“What’s it to you?” Jesper crouched down to put on his shoes.

“I’m telling Joey.”

“Like hell you are.”

Luka turned around, facing the empty kitchen, and put his hands to his mouth. “Joey!”

“For fuck’s sake.” Jesper got up, steadying himself on the wall as everything turned black for a second, and slipped out into the stairwell. He had barely reached the front door as he heard the click of the apartment door upstairs again and heavy footsteps on the stairs. Jesper slammed the door shut and stormed down the street, hoping he would disappear around the corner before Luka would spot him.

“Wait,” Luka shouted.

So much for his plan.

Jesper kept walking regardless. He paid no mind to the sun shining on his face, nor to the traffic around him. Faster and faster he went, until he was running. Finally, he made it to the metro station. A train was thundering in over his head just as he ran up the stairs, and he managed to squeeze in on the last beep before the doors closed. The train jerked forwards, and he dared to peek out of the dusty window.

Luka was running over the platform, panting and waving at Jesper helplessly.

Jesper’s eyes fixated on the grimy floor. Only when he was sure that Luka couldn’t see him anymore, he began searching for a seat in the shade. What on earth was he doing here? Where was he going? What was the point? All he would get out of this was the sunburn of his life, a stern talking-to from Joey, and even more uncomfortable questions from Luka and Weldon. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the wall of the carriage, hoping, unwittingly, that the thumping and the vibrations would somehow form a pattern and reveal the answers to all his questions to him.

His peace was short-lived. At the next station, a uniformed man with various devices slung around his hips entered his carriage. He shot up from his seat. In his hurry, he had forgotten to buy a ticket. Who on earth bothered checking the tickets on the Berlin metro anyway? The inspector worked his way through the passengers. Just as he got to Jesper, the train creaked to a halt. The inspector shouted something in German, but Jesper was out of the door before he could follow him.

Where was he supposed to go next?

He needed to get out of the sun, first and foremost. Maybe he should just buy a ticket home. But as he drew his wallet, another train arrived. Jesper peered out from behind the ticket machine. Inside the train, his face pressed against the window, sat Luka. Jesper cussed and hid behind the machine. People passed by him, and he dreaded the moment he would spot Luka among them. But that moment never came. The train left as quickly as it had arrived, and soon enough, the platform was deserted again. Still, Jesper couldn’t stay here. What if Luka had seen him after all and would come back?

Reluctantly, Jesper climbed down the stairs and left the station through a dark, damp tunnel with graffiti-covered walls. He squeezed his eyes shut as the sun glared into his face when he came out and hurried into the shade of the surrounding buildings. He had no clue where he was, but at least he blended in with the crowd. Even if Luka would come back, he wouldn’t find him here. Slightly more at ease, he let the crowds wash him through the streets and alleyways. At some point, on a bridge across the Spree, the sun tormented him again for a moment, but the shadows were growing longer, and soon he was out of its scorching grasp again. At last, he alighted in a quiet street, with no more people to sweep him along. He had to think again. Left or right? Away or back home? He walked up and down the sidewalk, trying to sort out his thoughts. Then, on top of an old bridge across the road, halfway nestled into the shrubbery, he spotted it.

A metro station.

It looked as if it hadn’t been in use for decades. The lamps on the platform were shattered, their shards strewn all over the ground, and from the cracks in the asphalt grew tall grass and spindly trees. The metal rings that once suspended clocks from the mossy, leaking roofs were vacant now.

Luka would never suspect him to hide here. He looked around, and when he saw nobody, he climbed over the fence.

There he was, breaking the law.

He crawled up the embankment. Shaking some dry leaves off his clothes, he sat down the edge of the platform, his feet resting on the rusty tracks. The trees around the station concealed him from the street, but he could still watch the traffic below. In the unlikely case that Luka had followed him here, he could still escape before Luka would even find him.

But maybe, he thought, he wanted Luka to find him.

After all, Luka searching for him meant that he still cared about him, right? And even if Jesper and Luka would never be lovers, Luka still wanted to be there for him.

Luka was his friend.

And he needed Luka just as much as Luka needed him.

But he couldn’t just go back, could he? Joey would yell at him no matter what. And a cramped apartment full of people skulking around him was the last thing he needed.

And what if Luka didn’t find him? What if he had given up?

“So this is where you are.”

Jesper jumped. “Luka?”

Luka stood on the other end of the platform, grinning at him triumphantly. Even from here Jesper could see his eyes glittering in the evening sun.

“How did you find me?”

“Saw you hiding behind that ticket machine.”

“Did you follow me all the way here?”

“No, I lost you on the bridge. But I figured your dramatic ass would be hiding here.”

“Dramatic?”

“‘No one can save me, Luka!’” He made a grand, theatralic gesture.

“Fine, you have a point.”

“Can I sit next to you?”

“Of course.”

Their thighs almost touched. Luka’s feet didn’t reach the tracks.

“Are you mad at me?”, Jesper asked.

“Why?”

He prodded at some moss. “Because I ran off after you told me that you need me.”

“That was a dumbass move, but I’m not mad anymore. Just worried.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You wouldn’t run away like that unless there was something really horribly wrong. You’d never waste precious practice time.”

Fuck. He had forgotten about that. He needed to practice. He needed to get out of this slump. He needed-

“You still don’t want to talk about it, do you?”

“About what?”

“About what’s bothering you.”

Jesper shrugged. Luka had come all the way here, so he deserved some sort of reward for his efforts. “Ask me specific questions.”

“Do you really, truly, honestly eat?”

“Yes, I do. Not as much as I should, probably, but I eat everything I can get my hands on.”

Luka frowned.

“If I stopped eating completely, you’d notice.”

“Guess so.” Luka picked up a glass shard and threw it on the tracks. “What happened between you and Alfonso?”

“Nothing but friendship.”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

Jesper sighed. “He really was just a friend to me. But then he got a crush, and I started struggling with… something. He helped me out of that, but he wanted me to have sex with him in return, so we had a pretty nasty fight.”

“No way.”

Jesper stared at the tracks. Of course Luka wouldn’t believe him. Why should he? Alfonso had always been so mature when it came to important matters in life.

“I mean,” Luka explained, “I believe you. It’s just that Alfonso is pretty much the last person I would have expected to do that.”

“I didn’t expect him to do that either.”

“What exactly was that something you were struggling with?”

“Identity issues,” Jesper said helpfully.

“Like how?”

Jesper picked up a twig and continued prodding the moss with it.

“About you being gay?”

“Yes, among other things.”

“Which you won’t tell me about.”

“Not tonight.”

“Will you ever?”

“Maybe.”

“What do you need me to do so you’ll tell me?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just need to know that you won’t hate me for my… stuff.”

“Come on, Jesper, as if I could hate you.” Jesper was surprised it was even possible for him to scoot any closer. “I’ve seen you at pretty low points in your life. And you know what? You still mean more to me than anyone else.”

Jesper’s heart skipped a beat. Surely Luka didn’t mean-

“I might be wrong about this, but I think you return my feelings.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I love you, you idiot.”

“You- you what?”

Luka sighed and grabbed Jesper’s face with his hands, forcing him to look at him. The faint scent of Luka’s blood reached him. “I love you, dumbass. And I’m pretty sure you love me too.”

“I do,” Jesper said quickly. “I love you too.”

“There you go.” Luka let go.

“But that doesn’t solve anything.”

“Why not?”

“We still shouldn’t be together.”

“Because we’re teammates or because of your dark and horrible secret?”

“Both.”

Luka chewed on his lip. “You have a point. About the teammates thing, I mean. Although before you joined G2 I was convinced you and Alfonso were dating.”

“Can we not talk about him?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.”

“So what are we going to do? Pretend tonight didn’t happen?”

“How about we deal with out problems like adults for once?”

Jesper snorted. “Says you out of all people.”

“What do you mean?” Luka huffed.

“Nothing, don’t worry.”

“Sure. Anyway.” Luka straightened his back. “We should probably not date, but I’ll keep an eye on you, and when you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, go ahead. In turn, I want you to make sure Jensen doesn’t attack me again. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Promise you’ll tell me eventually?”

“Sure. Promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Are you sure this is how adults deal with their stuff?”

“Are you chickening out?”

Jesper linked his finger with Luka’s.

A broad grin spread on Luka’s face. “You’re the best.”

“I know.”

Neither of them made an attempt to remove his hand. They sat there in silence, watching the sky turn orange, then pink, then gray, then black. Every so often, Jesper felt Luka’s eyes on him, but if he returned Luka’s looks, he would lose all of his control. His fragrance was already enough to test Jesper.

“You’re beautiful,” Luka said.

“It’s dark.”

“You’re still kind of glowing.”

“Shit, am I?” He had never noticed. Was this a new symptom? Would his bioluminescence give him away on the hunt? And if Luka had noticed, would other people notice, too?

“Bet you glow under UV light, too.”

“But it’s nothing unnatural, right?”

“What? No, I was joking about you being so pale. As if people could actually glow.”

Jesper relaxed. No new vampire antics to worry about, then.

“Although you are kind if pink at the moment. How did you manage to get burned on the way from the metro to here?”

Jesper shrugged.

“Fucking Danes, man.”

“You wish you were.”

Luka grinned. “Of course I do, but someone has to be a brooding emo fuck.”

Jesper laughed. “If I wasn’t a brooding emo fuck we’d have Joey chaperone us 24/7. You don’t want that either.”

“Fair enough.” Luka shivered and let out a shaky breath.

“Are you getting cold?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Not really. We should probably go home, though, before Joey comes after us.”

“Oh, don’t worry. He’s already reported us missing.”


	9. IX. In which Jesper is at the receiving end of a knife brought to a fistfight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great googly moogly, this took a while. Sorry about that.  
> Content warning for this chapter: there will be some violence!

The laughter faded from their lips and Jesper hesitantly got up from the edge of the platform. He patted his backside to get rid of the dust from the platform, yawned, and stretched. Just as Luka was about to follow him, there was a flash of blue hight, and the temperature seemed to drop to below zero. Next to Jesper, Luka stiffened.

At the end of the platform, underneath the defunct lamppost, there stood Jensen.

“Fuck you want?”, Luka snarled.

“Apologize.” Jensen slowly came closer.

As if on instinct, Luka clung to Jesper’s arm. The honey scent that engulfed Jesper made his head swirl.

“I mean it,” Jensen said. “I fucked up. I’ve realized that by now.”

“Fine,” Luka said tersely. “Go ahead and apologize. But keep some distance between us.”

Jensen took another step forward, albeit more hesitant this time.

All of Jesper’s muscles tensed up, and his eyes zeroed in on Jensen. Last time, hunger had weakened him. This time he would be strong enough to get rid of Jensen once and for all if he dared to lay another finger on Luka, Jesper was certain.

“Are you even listening to me?” Even though Luka’s voice was firm, he was trembling against Jesper’s arm.

“Yes, I am. Look, I know that what I did was wrong.” Jensen was close enough by now for Jesper to catch his scent. It reminded him of damp soil. “I can show you I can do better, though. Will you let me show you?”

“Like hell.” There was a quiver in Luka’s voice. Jensen must have picked up on it, too.

“Are you entirely sure?” Jensen reached out to cup Luka’s cheek. “You don’t sound exactly convinced to me.”

Cold anger surged through Jesper. It was different from the heated desperation he felt during his hunts. It made his heart lock up and his jaw tighten. But like on the hunts, something more primal took over, and before he could register it, his fist was in Jensen’s face. Bones cracked loudly.

Jensen huffed as his hands shot up to his nose to inspect the damage.

“You’re not bleeding,” Jesper said flatly.

“Of course I’m not bleeding. Don’t tell me you still bleed. Come on, you can’t lag that much behind in your development.”

“No,” Jesper insisted, “I still bleed!”

Surely he was still somewhat normal. Surely he wasn’t that much of a monster yet…

“Let’s see about that.” In the blink of an eye, Jensen drew a pocket knife and lunged at Jesper.

Jesper instinctively threw his arms up to protect his face. The blade felt like fire as it sliced through his flesh.

“Aw, little Jesper all grown up,” Jensen cooed.

His heart was hammering in his chest as he inspected his arm. The wound was fairly deep. The muscle tissue lay bare, but no blood came out of the cut.

Luka stared at him with wide eyes. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, you didn’t know?”, Jensen sneered. “Dear sweet Jesper is a filthy bloodsucker too.”

Luka shook his head. “No, he’s not.”

“Yes, I am,” Jesper whispered. Luka’s eyes widened even more, and Jesper wanted nothing more than to disappear.

“See? Told you so.”

Luka let go of Jesper’s arm, quickly, as if Jesper had a terrible, contagious disease - he did, Jesper thought, he did! - and stumbled away from him. “But you- you stayed with me after Jensen -”

Jesper hung his head. “I’m sorry, Luka.”

“What’s the difference between bloodsuckers, anyway?” Jensen grinned, showing off his fangs.

Luka didn’t answer.

“They’re all the same, right? Don’t you think so?”, Jensen pressed.

Luka shrugged.

“And Jesper betrayed you. Pretending to have your back… to protect you…”

“Shut up,” Luka hissed.

“You know I’m right. So -” Jensen gripped his arm. “- might as well take me instead.”

Jesper lunged at Jensen again. “Let him go!”

Jensen yelped and loosened his grip. Luka broke free and immediately clung to Jesper again. “Wanna know why I’m not going to take you, Jensen?”

“What?”

“Because -” Luka got up on his toes,  pulled Jesper down and kissed him.

His lips were soft against Jesper’s. The world spun. Everything was honey, honey, honey, driving Jesper insane with love and lust and hunger. He barely noticed himself trailing his lips further and further down, until his fangs pressed into Luka’s flesh. The syrupy blood gushed from the twin wounds, thick and creamy in his mouth. His fingers dug into Luka as he drank in greedy gulps. His body was so light all of a sudden, his heart dancing, his brain numb.

“Jesper?”, Luka asked with a small voice.

He snapped out of his haze. The stench of metal overpowered the honey aroma. Luka’s shirt was stained dark where blood was seeping into the fabric.

“Luka? Oh fuck…”

Luka was pale, but not just from fear. His skin had lost any sort of natural glow. He was growing colder in Jesper’s arms by the second. And his teeth -

“Fuck, Luka, I’m so sorry.” He let go of him, but Luka grabbed his wrists and pulled him even closer.

“Don’t you dare leave me now.” Even though he tried to keep a straight face, his eyes were glistening with tears. “Not after -”

“I’m not going to leave you,” Jesper said quickly and caressed his cheek in an attempt to comfort him. It was icy by now.

“We can’t reverse it, can we?” His voice was shrill.

Jesper shook his head. “I don’t think we can.”

Luka suppressed a sob, and another, and another. Then, with a sigh, he leaned against Jesper. “What are we going to do now?”, he asked, looking at no one in particular.

But Jensen was gone, and Jesper had no answer.


	10. Epilogue

The nights were still mild, full of stars and rustling leaves. The windows of the gaming house stayed open late into the night. In the evening breeze, two bats fluttered in, dancing around each other in a flurry of leathery wings. Their snouts glistened with blood. With a small pop, they turned into humans, still with blood and ecstatic grins on their lips.

Luka reached for Jesper’s hand, and Jesper gave it a little squeeze.

“I didn’t think hunting would be this fun.”

“It was just a squirrel.” Jesper smiled at him.

Gone were the days of Luka’s fear. Gone were the nights of Jesper’s despair.

“It was so fast! Did you look at it go?”

“Hell yeah!”

They looked at each other, eyes twinkling, and broke into laughter. In the morning, they would be dead tired, but tonight, they were in a different world. A world of stars, and the planets, and the moon, a world of bats and owls, a world of quiet and of petrichor.

“I love you,” Jesper whispered into Luka’s ear as they collapsed onto his bed.

Luka’s stained grin turned soft. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just like that, this fic is finished. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with it until the end! Love y'all <33


End file.
